In a culture that’s finally embracing body positivity, how tf is fatphobia still so pervasive? Body image and fat discrimination activist and author Virgie Tovar says it’s because society isn’t as pro-big babes as the latest Dove ad, full-figured Barbie or curve model at New York Fashion Week imparts. Behind every “healthy is the new skinny” mantra and juicing fad remains the same ol’ oddments of fat bias, hate and fear. In her manifesto, “You Have the Right to Remain Fat,” the San Francisco-based mexicana uses almost a decade’s worth of research and a lifetime journey from self-hate to self-love to discuss fat bigotry and debunk the falsehoods of diet culture.

“With the years I’ve spent working with women of all sizes and ages, it’s really clear to me that there is a global crisis of female unhappiness, of female confusion. Our culture is committed to keeping women confused and blaming ourselves. I use diet culture to begin the conversation, but this book is really about freedom. I’m trying to show women what my journey to freedom looks like. I’m trying to be that good friend who takes you to church in the moment when you need it. I’m trying to hold somebody in their weak moment,” Tovar, 36, told FIERCE of the intentions of “You Have the Right to Remain Fat.”

The short-yet-powerful read, published by the Feminist Press in August, is like a slice of creamy flan, a small, high-calorie sweet treat you’ll devour in one sitting. Even better, it was baked just for you by the loving hands of your fave prima.

“I feel diet culture makes you feel alone, even if you’re with people. When you’re feeling lonely, you need that thing that symbolizes something, that symbolizes you’re not alone. … This book, this physical thing, can act as a grounding for you. It reminds you that you’re rooted and that there is a community with you,” she said.

A crucial manifesto for every girl, woman and femme, we’re sharing our biggest takeaways from “You Have the Right to Remain Fat,” which is available in English, Spanish and Portuguese.

1. Fatphobia is bigotry.

View this post on Instagram

????witch????

A post shared by Virgie Tovar (@virgietovar) on Oct 28, 2018 at 10:48am PDT

Like gender and race, fatness, alone, is meaningless. We are not born believing thin bodies are good and fat bodies are bad. That is a lesson that culture teaches us. We are taught that people who are fat don’t have self-control, that they’re dirty, that they’re not beautiful and that they are not deserving of love. As a result, we are taught to look down, even hate, fat people and live in fear of becoming like them, largely because of the bigotry people of size experience.

2. Fatphobia harms everyone.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Virgie Tovar (@virgietovar) on Sep 15, 2017 at 1:58pm PDT

While fatphobia targets fat people, Tovar reminds us that it impacts individuals of all sizes. “Everyone ends up in one of two camps: they are either living the pointed reality of fatphobic bigotry or they are living in fear of becoming subject to it,” she writes. In other words, fat bigotry harms fat people by humiliating them, by making them feel inferior and by refusing to take health issues seriously, but it also injures non-fat individuals by using fatphobia to control the size of all people, by forcing them to, often dangerously, diet and over-exercise, by not allowing them to revel in the joys of life out of fear of becoming fat or appearing fat.

3. Controlling women’s body size is about controlling women’s lives.

View this post on Instagram

Ok one more… cuz #fatvanity ???? ????@benhikes_things

A post shared by Virgie Tovar (@virgietovar) on Sep 1, 2018 at 5:22pm PDT

While fatphobia impacts everyone, it’s also a tool of sexism. According to Tovar, “internalized inferiority is part of sexism and diet culture feeds on that sense of inferiority.” To feel inferior, or less than, is to feel like you, as you are, are not good enough or worthy of what you want and need, that you must change who you are, or what you look like, to become deserving of those things. Diet culture, more commonly veiled as healthy culture these days, hinges on women’s internalized inferiority. We adopt ineffective, or downright damaging, regimens so that we might finally find ourselves worthy of romance, of healthy relationships, of the job we are otherwise qualified for, of playing sports, of dressing how we like, of being adventurous, of taking photos — of taking up space.

4. For Latinas (and other immigrants), dieting is a part of the American dream.

View this post on Instagram

desert selfie a must ????????????????

A post shared by Virgie Tovar (@virgietovar) on Mar 5, 2018 at 6:29pm PST

If you’re a non-white person in the U.S., you’ve received a lesson (or a trillion) on bootstrapping, the idea of pulling yourself out of your current circumstances by taking advantage of everything the “land of opportunity” has to offer you. If you’re unable to make something out of nothing — the idea goes — that’s on you for choosing not to bootstrap, not on the white supremacist capitalist patriarchy that functions on the existence of the haves and the haves-not. For Tovar, and so many other chubby girls of color, thinness was a form of assimilation into dominant U.S. culture as a second-generation Mexican girl, and dieting was how she would bootstrap her way to the American dream.

5. You have the right to remain fat.

View this post on Instagram

Fat hiking etiquette: One must air out one's rolls when one begins to sweat and photograph the act of embodied disruption. w @cente_o_maia

A post shared by Virgie Tovar (@virgietovar) on Feb 24, 2018 at 3:51pm PST

While we live in a fatphobic country, one that tells all of us that fatness is a problem that must be solved by diet and exercise, Tovar debunks this fallacy, pointing her finger at the real culprit: a sexist, classist, racist and fatphobic culture that is banking on female insecurity, internalized inferiority and mental health illnesses. Once we begin to understand this, we can stop mistreating our bodies by speaking down to them and depriving them of what they need. When this happens, we realize that we have the right to remain fat and live joyous, loving, productive, successful lives with our big bellies and double chins.

For more body liberation goodies, purchase “You Have the Right to Remain Fat” and follow Tovar on Instagram.

Read: Model-Activist Denise Bidot On Raising An Empowered Daughter

Recommend this story by clicking the share button below!

Notice any corrections needed? Please email us at corrections@wearemitu.com

One of my first memories of body shaming is my mami telling me that my thighs were fat and that I shouldn’t wear shorts. She said it very matter-of-fact in a way that, I think, wasn’t meant to hurt my feelings but still left an emotional scar on my pre-pubescent body. I was in the 5th grade and, after that day, never again wore shorts to school. However, now that I am an adult, I’ve slowly learned to embrace and love my body with all of its perfect imperfections — and I do that largely thanks to sexy lingerie.

My mother’s declaration that I was a “gordita” and my family’s ability to put on weight easily (and never exercise or eat well), I spent much of my teen years and early adulthood feeling ashamed of myself.

View this post on Instagram

Day 4 of the #gratitude30 challenge is “Color” and here it is: RED! For anyone that knows me, you’re probably not at all surprised. This was my favorite color when I was little and it remains my favorite color today. I have red dresses (like this one), shirts, shoes, and my absolute favorite, red lipstick. Oh, and have you noticed my red hair? I don’t know what it is about red but I’ve always loved it. It’s the color of passion, love, brightness, boldness, happiness, Christmas… It’s just a happy, bright, BOLD color and that’s why I love it — because I try to be those things too! #gratitude30daychallenge

A post shared by Irina Gonzalez (@msirinagonzalez) on Nov 4, 2018 at 12:31pm PST

Looking back at my early childhood, I knew I was different early on. Although my family had originally moved to Miami when we first came to the United States when I was eight years old, we eventually made it to the southwest coast of Florida where I was the only Latina I knew growing up.

Because of this, I was quickly confronted with classmates who were, well, nothing like me. They had quiet, calm parents who never had screaming matches like mine. They had tiny, skinny bodies whereas I have had large thighs for as long as I could remember.

Long before Jennifer Lopez made curves and big booties cool, I was struggling with body image issues and only seeing way-too-skinny 90s models in the media.

View this post on Instagram

Back in black ???? but just for a day… RIP to all the calories I just laid to rest in the gym… lol

A post shared by Jennifer Lopez (@jlo) on Nov 2, 2018 at 2:19pm PDT

At the time, I didn’t know what body positivity meant or how I could get some until I was well into my 20s. In high school, I was overweight and eventually obese. In college, I lost 90 pounds but regained 80 of them after I started my first stressful job at the beginning of the Great Recession. All the while, I kept hearing my mami’s voice constantly telling me that I was too fat. She continued to say that to me throughout my entire life — up until the point that I got “too skinny” for her, that is. But deep down, I knew something was up. Life couldn’t be solely about gaining and losing the same weight over and over again.

Unable to maintain a healthy body weight on my own and afraid of what lifelong morbid obesity would mean for my overall health, I received a gastric bypass shortly before my 23rd birthday. But during my preparation for the life-altering surgery, I met with my doctor who taught me a very valuable lesson: He told me that he was simply giving me a tool to help me manage my weight. I would need to do the work myself in order to learn to eat better and, most importantly, grow comfortable in my body.

It turns out that I had been in a perpetual cycle of stress eating, feeling bad about it, and then eating some more.

View this post on Instagram

A year ago I put this dress on a vision board. I didn’t know how I would get this dress, and today my dream finale dress came true!! Believe in the impossible. ????✨ #gucci @nuestrabellezalatina @univision ————————————————————————— Stylist: @_marcustyler Dress: @gucci Belt: @gucci Shoes: @ysl Earrings + rings : @charlielapson Nails: @nails_byely

A post shared by Denise Bidot (@denisebidot) on Dec 2, 2018 at 6:04pm PST

I needed to heal my mind as well as my body before I could truly learn to love myself.

The journey to love my body seemed impossible at first. I didn’t know where to start, so I started by reading magazine articles about accepting my body and embracing my curves. This was the days before runways began to feature curvy beauties like Denise Bidot (and other plus-size Latina models) or you could simply search the #bodypositive hashtag on Instagram. But I had to start somewhere, so I started there. Then an ex-boyfriend recommended I try lingerie and I was HOOKED.

I began to scour the internet for scantily clad women in sexy lingerie. The caveat is that they had to be women that looked like me: Women with curves, big thighs, loads of cellulite. They had to look comfortable and exude sexiness; and not just because they were models. I wanted to connect with the women I saw in those images as much as I wanted to feel good imagining myself in their clothes. I discovered pin-up style in my searches and, soon after, the plus-size friendly clothing site, Unique Vintage.

I bought my first bikini on that site. It was white and made me look and feel just like Marilyn Monroe in those famous images of her on the beach (though she actually wore a one-piece). Eventually, I started to sneak into Victoria’s Secret and try on their lingerie. I was still too scared to buy it for myself in front of others, fearing their judgment, so instead, I would go home after each trip and browse through the lingerie on the Frederick’s of Hollywood site.

I fell in love with everything lacy, especially anything that was red or black or a combination.

View this post on Instagram

Ready for the weekend like….????

A post shared by ????NYC Boudoir Photo Studio???? (@boudoirbynomi) on Oct 5, 2018 at 6:24am PDT

Although  I owned several of these sexy things, I was still too scared to show it off to anyone.

I wanted to, but I was scared. Loving your body is a journey and, although I was at a weight I was finally happy with and generally comfortable in my body, I could still hear my mami in the back of my head telling me that my thighs were huge. It was an uncomfortable feeling and, to be honest, why none of the items in my growing lingerie collection included thigh-highs despite me finding them to be a very alluring look on other women. Just before my 25th birthday, I decided to do something daring and bought a Groupon for a boudoir photo shoot. The expiration date was six months away, so my promise to myself was that I would spend that time going to the gym and getting in shape, then schedule my photoshoot.

But I didn’t go to the gym. Instead, I let the coupon expire and tried not to think of it for years.

During that time, I continued my journey to loving my body. I learned how to nourish it by eating well. I learned to cook healthy meals because I enjoyed time in the kitchen. I learned to put post-it notes on my mirror that read “I love me for who I am RIGHT NOW” and repeat that mantra every time I got out of the shower, while I was still naked. I learned to not feel shy by walking around my apartment naked on Saturday mornings, making breakfast and reading my favorite magazines.

Little by little, I bought more and more lingerie — modeling it for myself in front of the mirror at least once a week — and learned to love my body more and more.

And then, just before my 30th birthday, I finally booked that boudoir photoshoot.

To be honest, I was terrified when I walked into the Boudoir by Nomi studio on a snowy Sunday afternoon just two days before my 30th birthday a couple of March’s ago. I still wasn’t completely in love with my thighs (though working on it) and I didn’t know what to expect. But photographer Nomi Ellenson was incredibly encouraging and shared with me her own lingerie and body positivity stories (her great-grandmother was a bra-fitter!). She specializes in photography that focuses on helping women feel more comfortable in their bodies and wasn’t just taking photos for someone’s boyfriend’s Valentine’s Day present. Instead, she made me feel comfortable instantly and even gave me helpful advice about which of the several lingerie outfits I brought to our session I should wear.

Ultimately, I chose my favorite sheer black curve-hugging dress and focused on red accents, like my lips and shoes. Did I mention how much I love that black-and-red combo?

Beyond that, the experience of actually doing something for myself was thrilling. It took over five years and, really, a lifetime of getting comfortable with my body but now I proudly have evidence of my lingerie photoshoot hanging in my bathroom. It’s a daily reminder of how far I’ve come on my body positivity journey. And even though there are still some morning when I wake up and just, ahem, don’t love myself very much, all I have to do is look at that picture and remember: Damn, I really do look good.

Read: A Body Found In Costa Rica Appears To Be Missing Miami Woman Carla Stefaniak

Recommend this story by clicking the share button below! 

Notice any corrections needed? Please email us at corrections@wearemitu.com