13 Pick-Up Lines I’m Tired Of Hearing From Non-Latinx Men

Pickup lines. Catcalling. Street Harassment. We’ve all been subjected to the worst of it out there, and somehow it never works but keeps happening. The truth is, if you need a weird name for the kind of way you are talking to women, odds are it isn’t what we want.

How do you we know it doesn’t work? Well, simply put, it’s been around for a long time and no one has ever looked back at their lives and named it as the pivotal point in their long-term happy relationship.

Whatever the men out there are thinking when they throw these tired lines at us, we’ve been hearing them for a long time and we can all bond over the sad gross history of it all together here today.

1. ¿Hablas español?

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Usually delivered in the worst Anglo accent ever, this gross comment gets shot at you while you’re deliberately ignoring el idiota in question.

Newsflash: Even if google translate was needed here I guarantee your hot take would go nowhere because who would ever respond to this annoying approach to talking to a woman.

2. Where are you from?

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Now there are reasons why I would answer this question or even ask it in a healthy conversation with other people of color or immigrants. We share travel stories together because they help us bond. But this question coming up unprompted from a stranger as a pickup line? Ummm no.

The xenophobia and fetishization present are too much to make it appropriate as a first-time line.

3. So are you mixed? What are you mixed with?

This one is gross and usually delivered by a man who has a fetish for fascist race science. Yes, many Latinas are in fact mixed race. However, this question isn’t posed by some intellectual historian with genuine interest for our cultural histories. Rather, it’s posed by some fetishist who dreams that our darker skin is part of the world trade routes delivering spices and sugar directly to his peen. Never, ever gonna happen.

4. Girl, you spicy!

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You know the stereotype. Latina Women are supposed to be like Latinx food! Even though a huge swath of Latin America doesn’t really have a lot of spicy cuisines (trust me, my family is from El Salvador and I have the weakest spice tolerance ever). Odds are these men don’t even want a girl who is “spicy” whatever that means and can barely handle black pepper on their bland mayo sandwich.

5. I studied in Mexico/Guatemala/Costa Rica for a year once!

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=Hello gross student man! I am glad you have accidentally been in one of the many Spanish-speaking countries that exist for a short period of study! Unfortunately, I and many other Latinas do not have the privilege of going back to our home countries ever because we don’t have the financial resources. Kindly never ask me about why I haven’t returned to my significantly less peaceful country of El Salvador/The Dominican Republic/Brazil again!

6. I like Latinas because they are more traditional and submissive.

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But you’re wrong! One thing I’ll have you know is that the stereotype of good Latina wives who give birth to a row of children, go to church, and obey their husband is dated and toxic. Our grandmothers may have given you this impression from brief glimpses in movies and books, but never forget: they also probably poisoned their husbands and joined leftist uprisings. Sorry if that is not the “spicy” but also “obedient” woman you were hoping for.

7. I like thick Latinas.

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I won’t even get into how many “non-thick” Latinas exist. I’m just going to say, as a thick Latina, that will never, ever happen. Never. You can grow your own ass to grab.

8. Teach me Spanish!

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There are so many Latinas who don’t speak Spanish. But before I go there, I’ll also say there are even more Latinas in and out of the U.S. who don’t get the privilege of learning fluent English. As English-speaking Latinas in the U.S., we have a distinct privilege over those women, often our cousins, mothers, and grandmothers who will never get the same opportunities we do. And even so, I would never, ever want to use that privilege to teach a misogynist dude to speak another language.

Anyway, Duo Lingo is free. Bye!

9. Have you ever been with a white guy?

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Why yes, I do hate myself! And no, not enough to hook up with you.

10. Anything including the word “Mamacita”

Any man who is can manage to call you a mamacita unprompted in public is embarrassing enough to avoid completely. We’ve all heard it. We all know we’re done with it.

11. You can barely hear your accent!

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Pointing out that a Latina speaks okay or great English is never a compliment. Why do they assume all Latinas are learning English as a second or third language, even though doing so is impressive. Instead of commenting on someone’s English-language abilities, dudes should mind their own business instead. I also answer this in my clearest California accent, “Sorry I don’t speak English.”

 

12. I bet you know how to move.

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Some of these are definitely stereotypes disguised as compliments. Yes, Latinas often have more rhythm than the average alabaster menace, but that doesn’t mean we want to dance with this gringo in particular.

13. Any offer to marry you for “papers” even as a joke.

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First of all, I would rather move to a different state than marry 99.9% of the creeps who think this is funny. Second, it presupposes the residency status of the woman in question. Stop assuming we’re all immigrants. Stop assuming we want to marry you for American citizenship or residency. Stop talking to us. Actually just stop talking! Leave women alone #2k18. And thank you for coming to my TED talk.


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