It’s been four years since fans of Cuban-American singer Christina Milian watched as her younger sister Danielle experience the heartbreaking experiencing no mother should have to bare. After weeks of anticipation on Millian’s TV show at the time, and nine months in real life, Danielle gave birth to a son who had been diagnosed with omphalocele, only to watch him die hours later. It was a harrowing moment for the Milian family and their fans and while 5 years have passed, Danielle is still very much scarred from the experience.

Her recent appearance on the show “Botched,” revealed just how much.