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20 Of the Most Single AF Latina Behaviors

In case you need a reminder, we’re officially deep into “cuffing season”–the time of year when you feel you’d do anything to have someone to spoon with during the cold winter nights. Or maybe what you really want is just a plus-one to bring to holiday parties and family gatherings. As Latinas, we can receive a disproportionate amount of pressure from our families to find a novio that they’re convinced will make our lives complete.

However, if you didn’t already know, being a single lady during the holidays can be absolute ecstasy. There are tons of perks that come with being single around the holidays–or any time of year, for that matter. To provide some counter-programming to the omnipresent “cuffing season” narrative, we’ve compiled a list of behaviors single Latinas are known for.

Check it out below.

1. Sleeping Pretty Much Diagonally Across the Bed

@gencpinar5879/Instagram

Yes, having someone to snuggle with when you’re freezing is a perk of being in a relationship, but stretching out like a starfish across your mattress is arguably even more satisfying. Instead of being smooshed onto the edge of the bed while your partner takes up more room than one body has any right to, single ladies get the luxury of having the whole bed to themselves. Not to mention, there’s no blanket tug-of-war with your lover. When you’re single, sleeping like a baby is pretty much a guarantee.

2. Getting Your Nails Done

@nailsbeautyplus/Instagram

Out of all the activities single Latinas like to indulge in, getting a relaxing manicure is definitely up there. And for a lot of Latinas, the longer, the better. Getting a manicure is one of those things single Latinas do to show themselves they’re worth it. Who needs a man to make you feel loved when you can do that all by yourself. You’re worth it!

3. Chisme with Your Tías

@helena_fierce/Instagram

The great thing about being single is having more time to spend with family, as all your time isn’t being occupied with the boyfriend. That means, catching up on months worth of chisme with your tías. Sure, we don’t like it when the gossip slips into the mean-spirited kind, but for the most part, it’s fun to swap secrets and stories. Among Latinas, chisme is very much a bonding activity for Latina women. It’s something single ladies always look forward to doing.

4. Bingeing on Pan Dulce

How many of us have heard from our female family members that the way to keep a man interested is to “watch our figure”? Because of harmful messaging like this, so many Latinas feel embarrassed eating “bad” food in front of their significant others. Walking by a particularly fragrant panaderia can feel like torture when you’re on a health kick. When you’re single (and you’re worried less about how you look naked) it’s liberating to just let yourself eat cake. And we won’t judge you if you do so in large quantities.

5. Man-Shopping at Sunday Misa

@godinezlc/Instagram

We’ve all done it–been at church and have silently checked out the eligible young men when we’re supposed to be praying. It’s arguably the perfect environment to score a date–everyone’s dressed up, smelling good, and on their best behavior (or trying to be). What could be more Latina than finding future bae at misa?

6. Ceasing Shaving Altogether (And Loving It)

@o.k.ruby_/Instagram

As we know, Latinas come in all shapes, sizes, and colors, but there is a prevailing stereotype that most Latinas aren’t exactly smooth and hairless naturally. When you’re in a relationship, hair removal can be a pain in the ass (literally). Most Latinas have gone through life waxing, plucking, shaving, tweezing, and Nair-ing ourselves into bald oblivion. But when we’re single, the razor becomes less of a daily practice and more of an anomaly because you don’t have to worry about your mustache rivaling your boyfriend’s or your partner complaining about your prickly legs under the sheets. For hairy Latinas, it might only take a day or two of putting down the tweezer to grow your very own Frida. And you know what? It’s liberating. Frida was genius in more ways than one.

7. Buying a New Outfit for Every First Date

@gnessismza/Instagram.

It’s hard to say what we look forward to more when we have a date: meeting a potential love interest or shopping for an outfit beforehand. A lot of the time, shopping wins out. All bets are off in a long-term relationship, but on a first date, Latinas love to present the best version of themselves. There’s nothing more a Latina loves than hearing from her date “You look incredible” and responding, “Oh, this old thing?”

8. Creating a Fake Instagram Account to Stalk Your Ex

@insta.single/Instagram

Yeah, we’re that girl. Obviously, we’re dying from curiosity about what our exes are up to, but there’s no way we want them to know the extent of our interest. So like any sane person, it’s completely reasonable to create a fake Instagram account in order to stalk your ex’s Insta-stories un-detected. Because we know we look through every single person who watched our story to see if anyone interesting stands out. And we’d hate to give our exes that satisfaction.

9. Refusing to Let a “Spicy Latina” Comment fly on Tinder

@alejandra_sg13/Twitter

Like many single ladies, Tinder, and all dating apps in general, a hobby, a pastime, some could even say a way of life. But for every hottie you match with and have a decent conversation, there’s about one hundred who can’t wait to tell you how hot they find Latinas, attempt to speak to you in (crappy) Spanish, and telling you how they love their women “spicy”. Luckily, our mamas have raised us not to take disrespect lightly. When a man starts to bring up his Latina fetishes, we shut that down. Quick.

10. Listening to Selena Songs on Repeat

As a single lady, it’s empowering to be able to play whatever song you want, whenever you want, wherever you want–no input from a judgmental partner who thinks their taste in music is better than yours (you know the type we’re talking about). And nothing says “Independent Latina Who Don’t Need No Man” better than Selena Quintanilla. There’s something so comforting about listening to Selena songs on a loop–it’s a guilty pleasure without the guilt.

11. Belting Girl-Power Anthems in the Shower

@film_italia/Instagram

There’s no time we feel the full extent of our liberation more than when we’re in the shower, belting out a canción at the top of our lungs. When we’re in la ducha, we’ve practically transformed into Mariah Carey. Anyone that says otherwise…we don’t know her. When we’re really feeling ourselves, you’ll catch us reciting the lyrics to Bebe’s feminist manifesto “Ella” and getting goosebumps at how good we sound.

12. Wearing Whatever You Want

@jlo_azerbaijan_baku/Instagram

Hetero Latino boyfriends can be known for their overt displays of machismo. For many Latino men, toxic machismo manifests itself through controlling behavior. We’ve all had those friends dress conservatively because their boyfriends won’t “let” them dress otherwise. As a single Latina, we have no such obligation. If someone so much as makes a comment about us not wearing enough clothes, we might just perform a strip tease to make a further point. Regardless of relationship status, our bodies are our own, but there’s no time we feel that more strongly than when we’re completely single.

13. Spending a Ton of Time With Your Amigas Because You’re Not Prioritizing a Man

@alinem_gomes/Instagram

From a very young age, Latinas are programmed to believe that romantic relationships should take priority in our lives. This creates the unfortunate habit that many Latinas have of dropping their friends once they get into a serious relationship. But falling in love with your girl gang all over again once you’re single is worth the cost of heartbreak. Latina friendship is the best kind of friendship.

14. Pretty Much Living Off Your Ma’s Cooking

@lapinaenlacocina/Instagram

What Latina doesn’t love to go home for the all-you-can-eat buffet that is cena de domingo? As a single Latina, eating food your madre cooks is too good to pass up. After all, cooking for one just isn’t practical! It’s too hard to half or quarter recipes and we often end up throwing out our leftovers when they sit in our fridge too long. Why spend hours on meal prep when you’ll be coming home with a Tupperware (or three) of sobras from your madre’s house?

15. Having a Set-Response To “Y el novio?” at Family Gatherings

@comedyslam/Instagram

Latino families are notorious for being overly “concerned” about our relationship status. That’s why most Latinas have a game plan for dealing with nosy family members. “Y el novio?” “Not anymore, but I’m much happier.” “Y el novio?” “I’m taking time to work on myself for now.” We know what to say to shut down a conversation. If nothing, la familia has helped us develop one heck of a thick skin.

16. Crushing on a New Guy Every Five Minutes

@nicofromre/Instagram

Another great thing about being single? Checking out whomever you want. The hot guy on your commute. The barista with impeccable banter. And don’t forget that Adonis with the bulging muscles at the gym. Sure, we have times where we wallow in self-pity at being single, but there are other times where we bask in being surrounded by man-candy and feeling free to flirt without guilt. And if there’s one thing Latinas are good at, it’s getting our coqueta on.

17. Pretty Much Living in Sweatpants

@sheyenness/Instagram.

Except for occasionally venturing out in heels with the girls, being a single Latina means #sweatpantlife. It’s one of the many things about single life that’s significantly more physically comfortable than being in a relationship is. When we’re by ourselves, we’ve got nothing to hide and no one to impress except ourselves.

18. Become Way Too Invested in Telenovela Storylines

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Sometimes, when you don’t have a love interest to distract you, it gets a little too easy to get invested in a fictional one. Telenovelas may be melodramatic and outrageous but damned if they don’t know how to lay the romance on thick. No, we don’t have a partner to make out with, but we can certainly imagine ourselves as the woman Aaron Diaz is professing his love to.

19. Referring to Your Pet as Your “Hijo” or “Hija”

@mira_bandida/Instagram

Even if our madre y abuela are begging us to get married and pop out babies, we know we can’t rush ourselves into a commitment before we’re ready. Until then, we’re perfectly content with babying the hell out of our mascotas. No midnight feedings, diapers, or tears–just fur and paws. And yes, we might dress our dogs in adorable onesies, because who’s going to stop us?

20. Being Genuinely Happy That You’re Blessed with the Time to Get to Know Yourself

@curls_n_squats/Instagram

For all the buzziness of terms such as “self-care” and “self-love”, we know that these ideas are more than just a trend. Independent Latinas know that a partner can never complete us and true happiness comes from within ourselves. A well-adjusted single Latina uses her single time to work on herself and experience the liberating feeling of what it’s like to be truly, fully, independent. In the immortal words of Hailee Steinfeld “I love me. I love myself and I don’t need anybody else”.


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ANTM’s Eva Marcille Bravely Comes Forward With Her Story Of Having Hide In ‘Multiple Places’ To Evade Her Abusive Ex-Boyfriend

fierce

ANTM’s Eva Marcille Bravely Comes Forward With Her Story Of Having Hide In ‘Multiple Places’ To Evade Her Abusive Ex-Boyfriend

Shade is often thrown around on any given episode of the Real Housewives franchises. Gossip is what makes the reality show interesting. Sometimes, however, when lies spread, the truth that is ultimately revealed can be hurtful and speak more about reality than what was intended.

On last night’s episode of “The Real Housewives of Atlanta,” one of the women, Marlo, tried to come for a castmate to poke fun at her financial woes. The shade turned out to expose longtime abuse.

Eva Marcille revealed on RHOA that the reason she has been moving from house to house isn’t that she’s lacking money but rather scared for her safety.

Twitter/@atlantainformer

“I still feel a sense of threat,” Marcille told her castmates on last night’s episode. “I have had to move five times, and I still feel a sense of uneasiness. He’s just so petty sometimes. I’ve walked outside of my balcony before, and he’s been standing in the dark. And it is the scariest feeling ever.”

Marcille is an American actress and former winner of the third cycle of America’s Next Top Model who is of Puerto Rican descent.

Marcille alleged that she has a restraining order against her ex-boyfriend, Kevin McCall due to stalking and domestic abuse.

The couple, who share a daughter together (though she refers to him as a “donor”), separated in 2015. She has since gone on to marry Atlanta lawyer Micheal T. Sterling; they too share a child.

Marcille dispelled gossip that she and Sterling have frequently moved around because of financial troubles.

Instagram/@omfgrealitytv

“Every time I move, he finds me,” Marcille said on the episode. “Because of that, I live in multiple places. Safety is a priority for me.”

Sterling took to social media to support his wife by saying “Everything we got, we earned the hard way. And every day that I wake up, I work for legacy, not labels. Motivational use only.”

Marcille told the women that a former friend, who she had a falling out with, began spreading lies about her. “The lies are real gross, and the hate is beyond,” she said on Instagram.

Her alleged abuser, who’s had a history of erratic behavior at least on social media, said Marcille is just using the claims against him as a fake storyline.

“It’s sad when she gotta keep using my name for her storyline if I was the husband I would be like “Real hoe of Atlanta is you out your mind, or is you still obsessed with your child’s Father? Why is he in our storyline so much ain’t I enuff headline for our relationship?” McCall said on Twitter.

Marlo also said on last night’s episode that Marcille was using old claims to back up her current financial situation.

Last year on “The Wendy Williams Show,” Marcille said that McCall has never been a part of her daughter’s life.

“He thinks that biology is more important than being present,” Marcille said of McCall. “He’s extremely dysfunctional, and he’s not at a place where it’s safe for himself or for others.”

Fans of Marcille were quick to offer her support on Twitter.

The less reasonable are demanding more details.

Others were quick to highlight their favorite and most empowering quotes from Eva on the episode.


READ: News Of This Woman Killing Her 11-Year-Old Daughter Because She Suspected Her of ‘Having Sex’ Is Proof Of The Perils Of Purity Culture

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Are You A Victim Of Abuse? Use This Checklist To Help You Determine The Truth

Calladitas No More

Are You A Victim Of Abuse? Use This Checklist To Help You Determine The Truth

There are three ways that abuse can be identified. By the way your partner treats you physically, by the way they treat you emotionally, and by how you feel about the relationship. This checklist of twenty signs of abuse is one tool that you can use to see if you, or someone you know, is a victim of abuse. And remember, more resources for dealing with abuse can be found by calling The National Domestic Violence Hotline on 1800 799 7233.

1. They have grabbed you and refused to let go.

gabkaphoto / Instagram

This falls into the category of physical abuse. No-one should grab you to make you feel threatened and unsafe. No-one.

2. They have pulled your hair.

Instagram: @theerinblythedavis

This is another form of physical abuse. Sure, a bit of hair pulling in the act of passion is fine. But when it happens as part of an argument, or when your partner is deliberately trying to hurt you or make you feel threatened, that is abuse.

3. They have thrown things at you and/or destroyed your belongings.

Instagram: @beatfreak1996

One way your significant other may try to control you is through your belongings. Throwing things at you and destroying your belongings is designed to hurt you physically and emotionally. Threatening to do so also falls under this category of behavior, too.

4. They have left you with bruises, black eyes, bleeding, and/or broken bones.

Instagram: @veeegooose

While abuse doesn’t necessarily have to leave marks on your body, a sure sign of physical abuse in your relationship is when your partner does leave marks. Research shows that once it happens the first time, a “threshold” of sorts has been crossed, and an abuser is more likely to hurt their partner again.

5. They have threatened to hurt or kill you.

Instagram: @raquelitt

It may not seem like abuse, since there are no physical marks left from a threat to hurt or kill you. However, these threats are still part of the arsenal of tools that abusers use. How? Because these threats are designed to control your behavior, and make you feel powerless. Abuse in a relationship is about the abuser gaining and maintaining power, and death threats are a way of emotionally controlling you.

6. They have threatened to take your children away or harm them.

Instagram: @stephaniemaurasanchez

Even if you have children together, children shouldn’t be used as a bargaining chip in your relationship. Even more importantly, your children’s safety is non-negotiable: no partner of yours should threaten it. By the way, this doesn’t just apply to children. Pets can also be used to manipulate and control you in a relationship.

7. They have forced you to have sex.

Instagram: @jennylikesjewellery

Sex is not a “duty” to be fulfilled in a loving, equal relationship. Nor should your partner guilt trip or manipulate you into participating in sex acts after you have refused sex. Consent needs to be freely given! It doesn’t matter how long the two of you have been together. Otherwise, it’s classed as sexual assault.

8. They try to control you and treat you like a child.

Instagram: @silvia_almanza

Abusive relationships are about control and power. Part of treating you like a child is making you feel like you don’t have any control in the relationship, or even your life, so that you continue to stay and endure the abuse.

9. They make you feel like you need permission to make decisions or go somewhere.

Instagram: @kreeturefeature

This applies when you feel like you have to text at every moment to update your partner about where you are. And when you can’t spend time with friends or family without getting permission from your partner. This is because abusers commonly try to isolate their partner from other, platonic relationships with other people.

10. They try to take complete control of the finances and how you spend money.

Instagram: @loudmouthbruja

Controlling how money is earned and spent is known as financial abuse. People suffering from this type of abuse are commonly denied access to money by partners for doing simple tasks like grocery shopping. Or, sometimes the abuser decides whether and when their partner is allowed to work.

11. They cannot admit to being wrong.

Instagram: @abs_ter

Part of being in a respectful and loving relationship is being able to say sorry and to admit fault. An abusive partner refuses to apologise, because doing so would threaten their position of power in their relationship.

12. They accuse you of things that you know are not true.

Instagram: @estephaniaabarca

This is about control, and manipulating you. After all, if you’re spending your time trying to prove your innocence, then you’re not going to spend your time planning to leave the relationship, are you?

13. They do not take responsibility for their behavior.

Instagram: @lu.pazmi

The reality is, it’s not too much to ask someone to take responsibility for their behavior – even more so when it’s someone you’re in a relationship with. However, your partner doesn’t take responsibility for their behavior because doing so would threaten their position of power in the relationship.

14. They use “The Silent Treatment” to get their way.

Instagram: @yappaririri

Chances are you may have experienced “The Silent Treatment” before, in elementary school. And that’s where that behavior should stay. An equal, loving relationship is not built on one person using silence to manipulate the other person into conceding a point.

15. They make subtle threats or negative remarks about you.

Instagram: @noshophotography

Of course, there’s always room for some friendly sledging in a loving, respectful relationship. But, it turns into abuse when your partner does this on a regular basis to frighten, or control you. It’s possible they may even pass it off as a “joke”, or say that you’re “overreacting”. But again, if you’re in a loving relationship, then your partner should respect the fact that you’re hurt by a “joke”. They should not continue to make these types of comments.

16. You feel scared about how your significant other will act.

Instagram: @erikakardol

Repeat after us: you should have no reason to fear your partner in a loving, respectful relationship. You should have no reason to fear your partner in a loving, respectful relationship.

17. You feel that you can help your partner to change their behavior.

Instagram: @amnesia.r

But, only if you have changed something about yourself first.

18. You watch your behavior carefully so that you do not start a conflict in your relationship.

Instagram: @cmirandads

An abuser does not abuse all of the time. They maintain a cycle of abuse in the relationship. Things go from being tense, where you feel like you have to watch your own actions, to an incident which involves verbal, emotional, financial and physical abuse. Then, your partner attempts reconciliation or denies the abuse occurred, and the relationship goes into a calm stage. However, tensions will begin to build before long, starting the cycle once again.

19. You stay with your partner because you are afraid of what they would do if you broke up.

Instagram: @msstefniv

In other words, you feel trapped in your relationship because of your partner’s current, or potential, behavior. This can range from hurting you, your kids, your pets, your friends, and your family. Or, destroying your belongings, compromising access to your finances, or hurting themselves.

20. They don’t pass “The No Test”

Instagram: @kaitlyn_laurido

“The No Test” is pretty simple. Observe what happens the next time you tell your partner “no”. This could be in response to being asked out on a date, or maybe doing them a simple favor. Disappointment is a normal response to being told “no.”  However, pure outrage, violence, and/or emotional manipulation is not a reasonable response, and may indicate an abusive relationship.

If you feel that you are experiencing an abusive relationship, please seek help. Call The National Domestic Violence Hotline on 1800 799 7233 for assistance. Please take care if you feel that your internet or mobile phone device use is being monitored.

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