identities

Here’s How Getting Together With Your Family Over The Holidays Is Just Like A Beauty Pageant

La Navidad is upon us which means one thing: the competition is on.

You have family arriving from literally everywhere.

Credit: jessicamaccormackrmack / Tumblr

One family from Jalisco, two from Monterrey, one Texas, another from Nebraska for some reason…and it just never stops.

Which means there will be more primas in the room than there are contestants.

Credit: whatdoiwear.co

And you know you are going to be competing with them all week.

They walk in like this because Christmas dinner is just an excuse to outdo everyone with your best outfit.

Credit: Miss Universe / NBC / missology.info

Grand entrance done right on navidad.

You diet all month in hopes someone says this…

Credit: mitú

The moment you’ve been waiting for all month your whole life.

Like beauty pageants, no competition is complete without a dance number.

Credit: Miss USA / Reelz / yahooentertainment / Tumblr

Except we move to tunes with more ritmo like “Suavemente” or “Vivir Mi Vida.”

Credit: Melissa Sandoval Slays / Vine

Keep up or die trying.

READ: December is More than Just Xmas Season

Suddenly EVERYONE has other secret talents they want to show off.

Credit: America’s Got Talent / NBC / nbcagt / Tumblr

It’s almost like they planned for this all year or something.

If you live in Southern California or Florida, you’ll strut in your fierce swimsuit.

Credit: thishappend / Tumblr

It has to be new, designer, have a stellar print and you’ve got to look good. If not, the whole trip is a waste. Remember, it’s about being the best.

You get asked soooo many questions.

Credit: manifestprocrastination / Tumblr

¿Y el novio?

¿Cómo te va en la escuela?

¿Dónde trabajas?

¿Compraste carro?

¿Y EL NOVIO?

There is always that one catty family member who starts drama.

Credit: mashable / Tumblr

Usually it’s a fight between primas, but if your lucky it’ll be your tías really going at it. #sipstea #imherefortheshow

READ: If You’re Latina, You Have These 14 Types of Primas

You’re going to have to be nice, even if it’s fake, or there WILL be hell to pay.

Credit: The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon / NBC / fallontonight / Tumblr

“Oh. I see you got a new, table from IKEA. Que cute…”

As always, the full panel of judges will be there judge your every move.

Credit: La Banda / Univision / ineditolp / Tumblr

AKA las tías.

Are you sure you’re ready for Christmas? Share this story with your friends by clicking that little share button below.

Notice any needed corrections? Please email us at corrections@wearemitu.com

If You Laugh At These 20 Tweets About Abuelas, You’re Def Going to Hell

hide from home

If You Laugh At These 20 Tweets About Abuelas, You’re Def Going to Hell

The matriarchs of our families, our abuelas deserve unwavering respect for everything they’ve done to love and raise us. Teaching us right from wrong, showing their love through food and quietly sacrificing for their loved ones, our grandmas are extraordinary people. Still, that doesn’t stop us from making fun of these hilarious little women.

There’s no better place to find jokes about our abuelitas than on Twitter. Whether it’s about their salty ways or their tough love, there’s plenty of tweets that poke good natured fun at them. Just don’t let your abuela catch you laughing.

They’re pretty funny, but if you laugh at these abuela tweets, you’re def going to hell.

1. Abuela just isn’t tech savvy.

Twitter / @noproperlady


To be honest, you’re probably lucky if your abuela’s house even has wifi. If it does, don’t count on an easy-to-remember password. Our abuelas didn’t come up in the tech age like we did so it’s understandable that this stuff is hard for them. Still, don’t make fun of your grandmother too much unless you want to be stuck doing tech support.

2. *Stares in Abuelita*

Twitter / @yeli_tu


Let’s be real, not much is going to stop an abuelita from making judgements about her grandchild’s life. Not even the afterlife. So, you can be sure that no matter what you’re doing, your abuela is somewhere out there looking at you while tiredly mumbling, “Ay, Dios.”

3. That authentic Abuela smell.

Twitter / @sarair_


Considering our abuelas stay trying to feed us, it makes sense that even their scent is tied to the kitchen. Whether it’s pozole and limón or menudo and pan dulce, those smells are kind of like your abuela’s personalized perfume. It might not be Chanel N°5, but it smells great to us.

4. You’re never too grown to get yelled at.

Twitter / @brittalaflame


If you think you’re old enough to avoid getting chewed out by abuela, think again. As matriarch of la familia, she’s earned the right to check you whenever she wants. However, it’s not just you that’s in for it. Whenever you feel bad about getting in trouble, remember all those times you’ve seen your abuela take your mom down too.

5. Don’t mess with perfection.

Twitter / @iwatchVHS


When it comes to things that are sacred, their home cooking is like a religion to our abuelas. You mess with that, and you’re messing with something almost holy. So, if you don’t want your abuelita to look like this, you might just was to comer los frijoles like she told you to.

6. She’s earned it.

Twitter / @kelseydarragh


Listen, abuela has had a hard day and she deserves to unwind. It may be 9 am here but what do they say about it being 5 o’clock somewhere? Don’t judge abuela. Just give her una mas tequila shot and go on with your business.

7. Abuelita tried to save our soul.

Twitter / @ItsAllBollocks


Mija, you’re precious to abuela. She only wants to make sure you’re protected in this world and the next. The least you could do is gargle some holy water and stop making fun of your poor abuelita.

8. The newest Olympic sport.

Twitter / @shadiacrespo


Abuela might love you, but she’s not above taking off her chancla and putting you in your place. So, abuela’s naturally going to dominate in this game. Look at it this way, you weren’t victimized by her chancla — you were just her training partner.

9. The Look™

Twitter / @Lib_Librarian


Garunteed, if you’re back on your BS, you’re going to get that official Look™ from your abuela. It could send a chill down the spine of the baddest hombre and stop your grown tios right in their tracks. Sure, it’s easy to make fun of the Look™ when you aren’t on the receiving end but you better hope abuela doesn’t turn it towards you.

10. Abuelita likes to party, too.

Twitter / @lelatoledo14


There are two possibilities here. This abuela could have only seen the word “Jesus” and shared it in hopes to spread el amor de Dios. Or, abuelita just likes to par-tay. Either way, you do you, grandma and thanks for the laugh.

11. She’s got your best interest at heart.

Twitter / @Viciousjess


If you think you have freedom to pursue anyone you want, think again. When she asks “Y el novio?” she’s not trying to see someone with a giant tattoo on his face. Unless that tattoo is La Virgincita or the crucifixion. Those MIGHT get a pass.

12. Sana sana colita de rana

Twitter / @fifyy01


Abuelas made Vivaporu what it is today. Now, even folks outside the Latinidad know the power of this little jar. That being said, if abuelas could mix their love of food with their love of Vicks, we’d already know it. However, there’s no doubt they already tried it.

13. Savage, abuela, savage.

Twitter / @WandyFelicita


Abuelas don’t hold their tongues when it comes to criticizing their grandkids. In fact, you’re sure to get some solid shade if abuela is feeling especially feisty. That art of subtle yet devastating shade is something you can’t be taught. You simply inherit the talent when you become an abuelita yourself.

14. This look didn’t age well.

Twitter / @rauls2cool


Keep in mind this was the style back in the day, but that tattooed makeup didn’t age well with the changing trends. Especially when it comes to those thin, high-arched eyebrows abuela has tattooed up on her forehead. Still, be careful about teasing abuela over this look unless you want her to roast you on your own makeup game.

15. Abuela swears by it.

Twitter / @krystashayeoh


If you look in every purse and bag in your abuela’s home, you’re going to find tubs of Vaporu. According to her, this magicial miracle can cure your cold, stop your runny nose, heal your broken bones, heal your broken heart and find you a new man. Here’s to hoping we can believe in ourselves as much as our abuelas believe in vaporu.

16. Abuela didn’t raise no diablos.

Twitter / @commonhspanicg


Abuela didn’t raise no dark brujas so you better not show up looking like one. If you come around with those devil nails, be prepared to get on your knees and recite the rosario for the rest of the night. She’s just trying to save your soul, mija, and that’s no laughing matter.

17. Every Abuela everywhere.

Twitter / @kaliwhatchumean


No matter where your grandma is from or how old she is, she probably looks like this. It’s only natural. One day you look like yourself, and the next day you’ve become an abuela. Is it funny? Sure, but you might not want to laugh. This is a glimpse into your own future, after all.

18. Masters of chisme.

Twitter / @taejinkoook


If you want that good chisme, you’ve got to head to abuela’s kitchen for the download. She’s got the goods on the whole community and she’s ready to spread everyone’s business. Except for you, of course. She’d never gossip about her precious grandchild. Just kidding; she’s totally talking about you too.

19. We get it from our abuelas.

Twitter / @DiovanniFrazier


Abuela has always been a bad babe, but when she was your age, she was the fiercest mujer on the block. She definitely hasn’t forgotten about it. So, if you ever start feelin’ yourself a bit too much, allow abuelita to humble you a bit. It will serve as a reminder of what a babe SHE was.

20. Every BBQ ever.

Twitter / @commonhspanicg


If anyone deserves to kick back and enjoy the asado, it’s abuela. Grab her a cerveza and fix her un otro plato. Our abuelas give us so much joy, fun, love and knowledge so let’s show these cute old ladies our respect.


Recommend thi story by clicking the share button below! 

Notice any needed corrections? Please email us at corrections@wearemitu.com

Día De Los Reyes Was The First Time I Allowed My S.O. To Experience My Culture

identities

Día De Los Reyes Was The First Time I Allowed My S.O. To Experience My Culture

For many who regularly take part in the holiday season, Christmas traditions are strongly tied to religious beliefs and practices. The ways in which the customs around the holiday season are carried out often deeply rooted in cultural rituals and they often vary from family to family. For my Puerto Rican family, the holiday season is drawn out well past the first of January when radio stations reel back on the jingles and Mariah Carey classics. For us, the Twelve Days Of Christmas sales or songs we know of don’t relate to the days leading up to December 25, but rather the twelve days in between Christmas Day and January 6 The Epiphany, a biblical day that marks the final leg of the  Three Wise Men’s journey to deliver gold, frankincense and myrrh to Jesus Christ.

Día De Los Reyes has always been an especially important day for my family. The fact that “reyes” is my mother’s maiden name has only made the day a little sweeter.

Photo provided by Wandy Felicita Ortiz

A more popular holiday back on the island, my abuela and abuelo Reyes brought their traditions to the mainland with them in the 1950s.

On the evening of January 5, each member of my family from grandfather to my youngest sobrino pull out cardboard shoe and clothing boxes (all marked with our names, drawn on and decorated over the years with crayons, markers, and glitter pens) to take part in a tradition that we hold dear in our hearts. After we’ve filled the boxes with snacks like carrots, lettuce, and sometimes grass for the Three Kings’ camels to munch on as they pass through our town we stick the boxes under our beds. Finally, just as we would with Santa Claus, we write the Three Kings–Los Reyes–a handwritten note wishing them safe travels as the journey to see the baby Jesus hoping that as they did with him on that first Epiphany, they’ll leave a small gift or token of some sort under our boxes.

Dia De Los Reyes functions similarly to Christmas Eve in my family. We all wake up and check under our boxes to see if we were good enough this year to receive any gifts. We’d go to mass together, where as kids we’d hope that maybe Los Reyes stayed in town with their camels long enough that day to be at the church community center to pose for photos. We would visit family and eat pernil and arroz con gandules, dishes reserved for celebrations and holidays.

As I got older I went to mass only sometimes and stopped looking to get my photos with Los Reyes.

Photo provided by Wandy Felicita Ortiz

I never stopped checking my box for gifts though, or remembering each rey by the names older relatives taught me to write in my letters: Balthasar, Melchior, and Gaspar. As an adult I focused on new ways to celebrate “being a king,” as my family would say, and took on the role of expert coquito maker.

When I started dating and began wanting to bring boyfriends home for the holidays, part of my new role during the holiday season also unintentionally became one of both gatekeeper and teacher of my Puerto Rican culture. As a sophomore in college, I brought my then boyfriend home for December for the first time. In my household, Noche Buena, Christmas Day, New Years Day, New Year’s Eve, and Dia De Los Reyes were all days set aside for family, exclusively. I knew not to ask for exceptions, and in the past had willfully or grudgingly passed up holiday and New Years parties to honor the expectation of being en familia.

But in my twenties I badly started to yearn for my first New Years kiss and wanted, even more, to share part of my twelve days of Christmas with somebody who mattered to me.

My parents, on the other hand, were hesitant. Dia De Los Reyes was about Los Reyes, as in my family.

My boyfriend was someone they saw a few times a year and knew of only from phone calls, letters, texts, and video chats. Someone so unfamiliar certainly wasn’t considered family, and moreover someone who wasn’t Latino couldn’t possibly understand the sanctity of the day we’d honored so lovingly all our lives.

Most concerning of all, Dia De Los Reyes is also known among some circles as “the poor man’s Christmas,” my grandparents’ explanation being that back in the days of Jesus, being a king didn’t mean wealth like it means today. It meant that the giftschildren and observers receive in their boxes today are small, like a $10 gift card, socks, some mittens, or maybe candy. The last thing my family needed was for some guy they didn’t know to reach into an old shoebox of all things, pull out socks, and think we were cheap. With some convincing and a little grumbling, my family allowed me to write my boyfriend’s name on a box, fill it with lettuce and put it under my bed on January 5.

That night as I lay in bed, I did feel nervous knowing that I was bringing somebody into such a special part of my life that no one had ever seen before outside of my parents. Earlier in the day, I made sure to explain to him how seriously my family took our family only traditions, and how it wasn’t just about the religious holiday but the namesake that ties us to one another. I felt silly as I highlighted decorating beat-up boxes as one of my favorite traditions, something I hadn’t ever admitted out loud. Quiet and reserved, he listened to my stories but didn’t ask any questions.

In the morning, I still had my family only morning mass and our opening of gifts, but later that day my boyfriend was invited over for pasteles, coquito, and the checking of his first and only Three Kings Day box.

My parents observed with critical eyes as he went through the motions of our traditions, seeming charmed by the gifts of a hat and gloves left resting on top of torn up shreds of lettuce, proof that Los Reyes had come through our house. As he followed our lead I sat hoping that by participating in the events himself, he might better understand where my love for my culture comes from, or maybe even briefly feel the same sense of childhood joy I do on that day each year. Admittedly, it was an awkward day for everyone involved and not filled with all the magic I had hoped for. Nonetheless, I still felt proud of myself for being able to break down a barrier that had long existed between myself and not only romantic connections but a friend, too.

I wanted the opportunity to show those outside of my family the part of my identity that I hadn’t always made transparent in my daily life, even if that meant that they didn’t understand or wouldn’t “get it” at first.

Photo provided by Wandy Felicita Ortiz

Even though the person who got to take the test run of my family only traditions and I aren’t together anymore, a few years ago he broke the mold for being able to bring others into a part of my life I was using to shutting so many close to me out of.n Maybe he did think that of us, our gifts, or the day we celebrate as cheap, but after the fact I, didn’t care. In the years that have followed, what has mattered most to me has been that I could start sharing Reyes, this name that laid down the foundation to who I am before I was ever born, and all the nuances that come with it with those I want to know me better.

This Dia De Los Reyes will be one of a few Reyes family festivities that my current boyfriend will be participating in, and another year where my family pulls out his box and welcomes his extra cheer into our holidays. While he’s still learning about my roots, I’m still learning that I can take these moments and use them to bring myself closer to my culture and my loved ones.


Read: Twitter’s Latest Hashtag Fights Back Against The Normalization Of Death And Violence Against Migrant Youth

Reccomend this story by clicking the share button below! 

Notice any needed corrections? Please email us at corrections@wearemitu.com

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *