To all my snack queens out there: Please raise your hand if you feel personally victimized by Doritos’ new “lady-friendly” chips.
Credit: Mean Girls / Paramount Pictures / Giphy
After completing research they claim found that women don’t like the loud crunching sound associated with eating chips, especially in public, PepsiCo, which owns the Doritos brand, began developing a Dorito that would cancel out such unladylike behavior.
Their “Lady Doritos,” as the Internet is calling them, will also be packaged for a woman’s needs and eliminate the existence of chip dust on your fingers so we she-beasts won’t lick our digits clean in public like a bunch of classless harlots.
Credit: Beauty and the Beast / Disney / Giphy
In an interview with Freakonomics Radio, PepsiCo C.E.O. Indra Nooyi broke down the decision to create the product:
…As you watch a lot of the young guys eat the chips, they love their Doritos, and they lick their fingers with great glee, and when they reach the bottom of the bag they pour the little broken pieces into their mouth, because they don’t want to lose that taste of the flavor, and the broken chips in the bottom. Women would love to do the same, but they don’t. They don’t like to crunch too loudly in public. And they don’t lick their fingers generously and they don’t like to pour the little broken pieces and the flavor into their mouth.
I can’t speak for all women, but I don’t longingly watch men wreck a bag of Doritos like the Beast does a bowl of porridge and think “Gee. If only.”
No, if I feel like crunching loudly and sucking my fingers, I do. If I don’t, I don’t. And when I am in the mood to destroy some Doritos covered in Valentina, I try to be polite of others so they don’t catch any nacho cheese shrapnel. It’s basic human decency.
The bigger issue with Lady Doritos is that it reinforces sexist ideas that women should work to make themselves as invisible as possible. We should shrink ourselves, even though the opposite is expected of men. We shouldn’t make noise or take up space because it’s rude, unladylike, and unattractive. It also tells us we should be ashamed to not just eat with gusto, but to eat at all.
Even so, this idea of demure chip eating led Nooyi to create the girl-friendly Doritos, which they plan to release soon.
Though after the Internet backlash the company has received, they might change their minds.
Lady Doritos sums up sexism in one chemically-flavored, chewy package.
Women are not to be heard.
Men can be heard.
Women are not to be messy.
Men can get as messy as they like.
Women are to settle for less.
Men have no need to settle.
— Isa-Lee Wolf (@IsaLeeWolf) February 5, 2018
Some looked at the bright side, considering the benefits of silent Doritos.
The only good thing about the new quiet “Lady Doritos” is now they can’t hear us coming pic.twitter.com/irMRblNDP4
— Jessica Valenti (@JessicaValenti) February 5, 2018
So relieved that I will no longer have to soften my doritos by soaking them in the blood of the men who say things like "you don't need all that makeup"
— Sarah Gailey (@gaileyfrey) February 5, 2018
Others immediately began brainstorming the endless possibilities of flavors.
I love lady doritos pic.twitter.com/2TfSi7IhXc
— t0ri (@toehyndman) February 5, 2018
I have a feeling Male Tears flavored Lady Doritos will be extra salty.
There’s also some brilliant ideas of cross-brand collaboration floating around that would definitely be a hit with the female market.
.@Doritos If you're doing "lady-chips," I would love some Cool Ranch infused with Plan B
— Lauren Duca (@laurenduca) February 5, 2018
I mean, if that’s not a killer two-for-one deal, especially after a shady one-night stand, then I don’t know what is.
A few people have even started writing their Lady Doritos period fan-fic.
Lady Doritos is notorious for mistreating her servants. There's a whole universe of difference between the lives of the gentry surrounding Lady Doritos and her household staff, and I'm interested in learning about both these worlds
— Talia Lavin (@chick_in_kiev) February 5, 2018
Someone get Dame Maggie Smith on the blower. We’re gonna need her sassy British side eye.
Many like their Doritos just as they are, especially if they remind them of home.
I like my Doritos LOUD like my Latina family. Thank you very much.
— M-Boogie (@MarjorieReinoso) February 5, 2018
Let’s hope the brains behind this genius idea takes a critical gender studies class and rethinks the whole thing.