relationships

9 Observations That Will Make You Want To Ghost The Number In Your Phone That Has Read Receipts

I used to think that read receipts were for responsible people. You know the kind, the ones who never get called “pendeja” and always arrive to parties on time. Then, over time and after a few brief relationships, I put two and two together and realized there are people who exist in this world and use read receipts in a grab for the upper hand or to express their general detachment. Read receipt users aren’t people who got celebrated with Zero Tardy Awards and were always called “reliable.” They’re dating nightmares.

There’s a lot of communication that goes into a read receipt that doesn’t come attached with a response. Namely: “I see you’re trying to talk to me but I’m not responding. No I’m not dead like your friends said (refer to the time stamp). Hope you enjoy the rest of your day while you try chewing on THAT.”

Here are my 9 reasons in my argument that keeping your read receipts on while dating is a completely savage move.

1. Read Receipts are the petty modification of a digital timestamp.

And if you receive one of these while you’re in a relationship or dating, let me be clear: your emotions will F’d with as FFFFF.

2. Literally the internet variant of “talk to the hand Bhhh.”

Petty Betty ???#readreceipts #wastehistime2017

A post shared by Deawn Johnson (@iamdeawn) on

And IRL their shadiness can only be equated to the bad vibes we got from hearing Al Pacino’s suss Cuban accent in “Scarface.”

3. And when it comes to dating, receipts are used for evil instead of good.

Because everyone knows there’s a more humane way of letting others know they’ve read your message. It’s called replying.

4. Because in this game, the only person winning is the receiver.

Here, it’s all about the ask and you shall not receive.

5. Read receipts will test your will.

Not that anyone's counting… #readreceipts #answerme #crazy #texting #ugh

A post shared by Never Liked It Anyway (@neverlikedit) on

Try your patience.

And wear you heart down to the bone.

6. It’s a  no-response response that is SUSS AF if ya ask me.

Because when you make the decision to tap into this tool, you’re well aware that the only reasonable response time is “ahora.”

7. And you know I’m right, because they’ve likely mentally ruined you before too.

@hoenest / Instagram

Look me in the eye and tell me you’ve never seen a read receipt that made you want to delete the whole conversation so you wouldn’t have to think about it.

8. And even when your text is the most innocent of all time…

You will question your humanity the moment that check comes out.

9. Because part of you knows that the person who turns the receipts on for you is feeling nothing but cold-blooded for you AF.

^She knows the story.

Read receipts are nothing but the damn diablo and if you keep yours on you’re probably the spawn of Satán.


Read: He’s One Of The Top Producers In The Music Industry, And He Chooses To Only Work With Women

Recommend this story by clicking the share button below!

Notice any needed corrections? Please email us at corrections@wearemitu.com

A Man Said Skinned Knees Are Worse Than Period Cramps And The Latina Drag Is So Real

fierce

A Man Said Skinned Knees Are Worse Than Period Cramps And The Latina Drag Is So Real

You know that moment when your father, brother, boyfriend or any cis man in your life gets a cold and is incapable of walking to grab some tissue, dissolving the Alka-Seltzer tablet in a glass of water or rubbing some Vicks on their body? Turns out, it’s universal. As much as guys boast about being the stronger gender, life proves repeatedly that they could barely handle even the slightest amounts of pain. The latest example: An athlete tweeted that skinned knees hurt more than menstrual pain, and ladies of the Internet are expectedly, and rightfully, coming for him.

“Until women experience this, I don’t wanna hear about period pains,” wrote @_sargee on Friday.

It’s difficult to fathom how so much ignorance made its way to one grown-up’s mind.

There are the obvious questions: Has he ever encountered a woman? Does he know that we, too, have knees? Is he aware that women play sports, take adventures or just live life with their knees and have thus also experienced skinned knees? Has it ever occurred to him that some women skin their knees while they are on their period?

In his defense, maybe he hasn’t actually seen a woman’s leg in real life. In fact, his Twitter is filled with sexist tweets of him objectifying women, so chances are he hasn’t been given much play and hasn’t experienced the wonders of a female knee for himself.

Even still, it’s bizarre to compare a skinned knee, a common toddler boo-boo, to the stabbing pangs of menstruation, to endometriosis pain, to ovarian cysts, to uterine fibroids, to pelvic inflammatory disease to carrying a fetus to term, to shooting a watermelon-sized human out of your vagina. In fact, a lot of times this isn’t just painful, it requires surgery. For some, it’s life-threatening. Not something that’s going to be healed with a standard Band-Aid.

Luckily, @_sarge isn’t as misinformed today as he was last week. Since making the mindless post, Twitter has given him a few lessons on anatomy and menstruation, and Latinxs have joined in on the Interweb education.

On that, cis fellas, don’t downplay menstruation pain — like ever again. If you want to talk about a suffering cis women have never experienced, mention that time your younger sibling kicked you in the balls.

Read: Latinas On Twitter Are Dragging The Machismo That Has Been Plaguing Our UTIs And Things Just Got Real

Recommend this story by clicking the share button below!

Notice any needed corrections? Please email us at corrections@wearemitu.com

20 Things To Avoid Eating On Your Valentine’s Day Date

relationships

20 Things To Avoid Eating On Your Valentine’s Day Date

Valentine’s Day is one of those holidays that, unfortunately, can be very stressful. Not only does it force couples to examine the status of their relationships (Are we just hooking up? Or are we finally serious?), but it also forces couples to plan a romantic date on the one night of the year where most restaurants are fully booked. Adding to that stress is the fact that most Italian restaurants are off limits (unless you want to scare your date off with your garlic breath).

Because we care about you, we’ve compiled a list of 20 foods to avoid eating on Valentine’s Day. So, before you lock in those reservations at your favorite grub spot, keep in mind that there are definitely foods that can kill romance faster than you can say “garlic breath”.

1. Garlic

@g_a_r_l_i_c_b_r_e_a_d/Instagram

We’ll start the list off with the most notorious romance-killing food: garlic. As we stated before, garlic breath can be a total turn-off. Who wants their romantic kiss to be ruined by an odor so strong that it’s famous for scaring off vampires? Take the safer route and opt for a cuisine that’s light on the use of garlic.

2. Onions

@wildrootscookery/Instagram


Onions are another common food additive that can make one’s breath less than pleasant. We’re not saying that you should avoid these pungent bulbs altogether (they’re practically everywhere), but it might be smart to order the French Onion Soup on a night with less smooching.

3. Oysters

@marijkehoos/Instagram


Oysters are another entry that makes this list because of their halitosis-inducing effect. Yes, oysters have the reputation of being an aphrodisiac (which would otherwise be perfect for a romantic night), but they have an even bigger reputation for carrying a very strong, very fishy smell. If you still can’t resist slurping down some molluscs with your amor, pack some Listerine strips in your purse just to be safe.

4. Tuna Salad

@wholeheartedindulgences/Instagram


Traditional tuna salad generally contains the tri-fecta of unromantic smells: onions, tuna fish, and relish. Unless you and your boo have a relationship that can withstand even the strongest of unpleasant orders, be kind to your S.O. and go with a B.L.T.

5. Bean Burritos

@budgetbytes/Instagram


As Latinas, we admit that we have a soft spot for burritos. Unfortunately, a burrito packed with beans can make for an uncomfortable (read: gassy) night of indigestion. If you’re planning on spending the whole night with your date, ask the waiter to hold the beans. But if you really need your bean fix, pop a Beano tablet before digging in. Your date will thank you.

6. Marinara Sauce

@thefamousmeatballers/Instagram


Just another reason to avoid Italian food on V-day. Yes, marinara sauce is delicious, but it is also a food notorious for ruining outfits. It’s tough to eat spaghetti and meatballs without splashing all over yourself. And walking out of a restaurant looking like a baby who’s just switched to solids isn’t a sexy look.

7. Ramen

@savorysweetsisters/Instagram


Although ramen might seem like the perfect choice for a cold February night, its messy noodles earn it a spot on this list. Let’s face it: there’s no pretty way to slurp ramen down. So, if you’re super secure in you and your partner’s relationship, have at it! But if you and your date’s relationship is still in its infantile stages, it’s better to steer clear.

8. Saucy Wings

@hotwingassassin/Instagram


Not everyone can look like Jessica Simpson when gobbling down a plate of hot wings. Yes, they’re delicious, but sauce-covered wings can be messy. Not to mention, it’s practically a requirement to eat them with your hands, which guarantees you’ll be reaching for, and discarding, napkins all night. Save the wings for football nights with your partner, when everyone will be covered in sauce with you.

9. Spinach

@keto_kim/Instagram


Here’s one of the few additions to this list that doesn’t earn a spot due to its smell. Spinach is practically odorless, but its infamous for getting stuck in people’s teeth. Not exactly a sexy look. In fact, it’s best to avoid leafy green veggies in general if you want to preserve a flawless smile for the night.

10. Chili Peppers

@punkerthanyou/Instagram


Chili peppers are a staple of a lot of Latin food, so this entry might land a little too close to home. The thing is,unless you have an esophagus made of steel, super spicy foods can cause some un-sexy side effects. Chili peppers are known to make their consumer sweat, as well as make their eyes water.

11. Corn on the Cob

@veggielexi/Instagram


Corn on the cob can also be one of those foods that gets stuck in your teeth. There’s nothing hot about a smile full of yellow kernels! Avoid at all costs.

12. Turkey

@devour_divine/Instagram


We doubt you’ll be tempted to have Thanksigivng in February, but just in case the opportunity arises, remember that turkey is full of tryptophan. And tryptophan has a reputation for making people fall asleep. No one wants to head home early due to sleepiness on a night when you should be up late with your date!

13. Red Wine

@youhadmeatbordeaux/Instagram

This might be a hard one to stick to, but if you’re trying to keep a kissable pout, you might want to avoid red wine. Although its no doubt a romantic drink, unfortunately, red wine has a tendency to stain its drinker’s lips blue or purple. If you know you’ll be imbibing later on, it might be best to invest in a burgundy lipstick to disguise the unwanted color change.

14. Too Much Alcohol in General

@cabocantina/Instagram


If you’re stressed about Valentine’s Day especially, it can be tempting to want to get rowdy in order to calm your nerves. But remember, alcohol lowers the drinker’s inhibitions, and that, in turn, can make you act stupid. Stick to a two drink limit to avoid any booze-fueled mistakes.

15. Brussel Sprouts

@sailor_bailey/Instagram


Although brussel sprouts, when prepared correctly, are delicious, this trendy veggie can have quite a…fragrant aroma, which can be off-putting to some people. If you’re trying to keep a romantic mood going, avoid this sulfurous cabbage.

16. Strong Cheese

@nadiabarlow/Instagram


That’s right–we suggest you avoid both stinky cheese and wine if you’re planning a romantic date night. We guess that means a spontaneous trip to Paris is off the table, right? If you must indulge, stick to milder cheeses like mozzarella or brie.

17. Raw Fish

@makesushi1/Instagram


Like all raw animal products, raw fish like sushi can be a hotbed of the salmonella bacteria. Eating raw fish like sushi or sashimi can be a gamble–there’s practically no way to guarantee it’s been prepared properly. You don’t want to end up with a bad case of food poisoning on Valentine’s day!

18. Veal

@foodstarz_official/Instagram


Veal doesn’t have a strong smell or the tendency to stain your best dress, but it does carry a negative connotation. If you don’t know your Valentine that well, it’s better not to freak them out by ordering roasted baby cow for dinner. Save that for an anniversary dinner (if at all).

19. Salad

@helly_mcjelly_sw/Instagram


We suggest avoiding salad on Valentine’s day for purely arbitrary reasons. Salad is a little boring. It’s Valentine’s day, after all! Say yes to the steak!

20. Cherries or Olives

@jordi.layetano/Instagram


And finally, we suggest you avoid both cherries and olives. Why? It’s unattractive to be intermittently pausing to spit out tiny pieces of food from your moth. If you have any control over your meal, opt for the pitted versions of these flavorful snacks.

Notice any needed corrections? Please email us at corrections@wearemitu.com

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *