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These Are The 20 Struggles I’ve Noticed While Using Dating Apps

Dating in 2018 is not easy. Anyone who has ever tried a dating app, which is most of us these days, can certainly tell you this. The good news, though, is that 59% of Americans think that online dating is a good way to meet people, according to the Pew Research Center. With very little stigma left for online dating, millennials are spending 10 hours a week on dating apps, according to research published earlier this year. I mean, how else are we supposed to find love these days? I say this as someone who met her husband on Bumble… Seriously, IS there even another way to do it?

But along with the good of dating apps, there is also plenty of bad. Talking with girlfriends over brunch one day, I discovered that all of us have faced the same dating app struggles over and over again. From just the sheer amount of time that it takes to find someone you match with (seriously, 10 hours a week?!) to people that lie to issues with communication style, here are the 20 biggest struggles of using dating apps. And don’t worry: Despite all of these, online dating is still well worth it… Just maybe schedule in an extra vent session with your chicas once in a while.

1. They take up a lot of time.

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Sometimes, it just feels like you’re swiping endlessly before finding someone you match with.

2. Not knowing who should send the first message.

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Once you HAVE matched, do you say hi first? Do you wait for the other person to do it? Sigh!

3. You end up finding the same people over and over again.

couple_romanc3/Instagram

If you’re always looking for matches from home or your office, your location might be limited… So you end up seeing the same type of person again and again. Maybe it’s time to switch it up?

4. You’ll run into people you don’t want to.

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Um, your boss’ cousin? Your friend’s ex-boyfriend? All of that: YIKES!

5. Sometimes people lie in their photos.

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Ever gone on a date with someone who is clearly two decades older than his photos? Yup, it happens.

6. You might end up meeting mega players.

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Did you and your friend go on great first dates, decided to share the details, and then realize that you met the same exact guy? Yeah… Awkward.

7. Did we mention the occasional racist?

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You can never know that the person you’re meeting online is good and, well, sometimes they’re just blatantly racist. This may not come out right away, so watch out.

8. You might end up meeting people only looking for a one night stand.

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Nothing wrong with it if that’s what you’re looking for, too, but people are not often honest about this starting out.

9. Tourists looking for a place to stay.

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Similar to the people looking for a one night stand, there are actually people who are looking to crash with you for a night… because they’re from out of town. 

10. People aren’t always serious.

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Some people are on dating apps just to look around… and not actually serious about going on a date. That’s a huge waste of time, isn’t it?

11. Married people.

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Married people can get on dating apps. And not tell you they’re married. THE WORST.

12. In general, dating apps make it easy for people to lie.

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Whether it’s about their age, their pictures, their “single” status, or anything else, online dating makes it easier than ever to lie to people and… Well, that just sucks.

13. You might not know who is paying.

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Are you paying because you messaged him first, or is he paying because he suggested going out for coffee, or do you split it because you suggested the place?

14. The first date isn’t actually a first date.

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Unlike what most people think, a first date from online apps is actually a “meeting.” You don’t know each other yet, and you have to get together to determine if there’s any chemistry that’s worth pursuing in an actual date.

15. You might have different communication styles.

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When you meet someone on an app, you might start out texting a lot. Or you might go straight to a date. Everyone is different. Figuring out your matching styles, though, is the trick.

16. It can all be a little… vain.

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Let’s face it: Swiping right (or left) on people is usually a visual assessment. Sure, you might take a quick peek at their profile, but you’re probably mostly judging them by their looks. (And visa versa.)

17. It’s just SUPER awkward.

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Okay, so you matched: YAY! But how do you start the conversation? Or, if they message you first, how does it go? Often, it can just be plain awkward to figure out what to say in those first few messages. Do you ask about their job, their school, their friends, their family, what they do for fun? And then there’s just the plain old awkwardness of the conversation coming to a halt… Whomp whomp.

18. The competition is fierce.

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You may be hot stuff, but there’s tons of hotties on there. So, you know, your date might be matching with plenty of them, too.

19. You don’t know when to bring up exclusivity.

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So, you’ve been on a few good dates with someone from a dating app. Now you’re ready to not date anyone else from the app. How do you bring it up? When do you bring it up? These are all complicated questions.

20. FOMO.

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Just as there’s tons of competition and you might not know when to bring up exclusivity, you might also meet someone great and then not be ready to log off the apps yet because you’re afraid of missing out on someone greater. Um… Yeah, that’s not good either. Isn’t the point of dating apps to find someone you like to date? Don’t be afraid to take a chance. After all, you can delete your apps and re-download them just as easily.


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ANTM’s Eva Marcille Bravely Comes Forward With Her Story Of Having Hide In ‘Multiple Places’ To Evade Her Abusive Ex-Boyfriend

fierce

ANTM’s Eva Marcille Bravely Comes Forward With Her Story Of Having Hide In ‘Multiple Places’ To Evade Her Abusive Ex-Boyfriend

Shade is often thrown around on any given episode of the Real Housewives franchises. Gossip is what makes the reality show interesting. Sometimes, however, when lies spread, the truth that is ultimately revealed can be hurtful and speak more about reality than what was intended.

On last night’s episode of “The Real Housewives of Atlanta,” one of the women, Marlo, tried to come for a castmate to poke fun at her financial woes. The shade turned out to expose longtime abuse.

Eva Marcille revealed on RHOA that the reason she has been moving from house to house isn’t that she’s lacking money but rather scared for her safety.

Twitter/@atlantainformer

“I still feel a sense of threat,” Marcille told her castmates on last night’s episode. “I have had to move five times, and I still feel a sense of uneasiness. He’s just so petty sometimes. I’ve walked outside of my balcony before, and he’s been standing in the dark. And it is the scariest feeling ever.”

Marcille is an American actress and former winner of the third cycle of America’s Next Top Model who is of Puerto Rican descent.

Marcille alleged that she has a restraining order against her ex-boyfriend, Kevin McCall due to stalking and domestic abuse.

The couple, who share a daughter together (though she refers to him as a “donor”), separated in 2015. She has since gone on to marry Atlanta lawyer Micheal T. Sterling; they too share a child.

Marcille dispelled gossip that she and Sterling have frequently moved around because of financial troubles.

Instagram/@omfgrealitytv

“Every time I move, he finds me,” Marcille said on the episode. “Because of that, I live in multiple places. Safety is a priority for me.”

Sterling took to social media to support his wife by saying “Everything we got, we earned the hard way. And every day that I wake up, I work for legacy, not labels. Motivational use only.”

Marcille told the women that a former friend, who she had a falling out with, began spreading lies about her. “The lies are real gross, and the hate is beyond,” she said on Instagram.

Her alleged abuser, who’s had a history of erratic behavior at least on social media, said Marcille is just using the claims against him as a fake storyline.

“It’s sad when she gotta keep using my name for her storyline if I was the husband I would be like “Real hoe of Atlanta is you out your mind, or is you still obsessed with your child’s Father? Why is he in our storyline so much ain’t I enuff headline for our relationship?” McCall said on Twitter.

Marlo also said on last night’s episode that Marcille was using old claims to back up her current financial situation.

Last year on “The Wendy Williams Show,” Marcille said that McCall has never been a part of her daughter’s life.

“He thinks that biology is more important than being present,” Marcille said of McCall. “He’s extremely dysfunctional, and he’s not at a place where it’s safe for himself or for others.”

Fans of Marcille were quick to offer her support on Twitter.

The less reasonable are demanding more details.

Others were quick to highlight their favorite and most empowering quotes from Eva on the episode.


READ: News Of This Woman Killing Her 11-Year-Old Daughter Because She Suspected Her of ‘Having Sex’ Is Proof Of The Perils Of Purity Culture

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Are You A Victim Of Abuse? Use This Checklist To Help You Determine The Truth

Calladitas No More

Are You A Victim Of Abuse? Use This Checklist To Help You Determine The Truth

There are three ways that abuse can be identified. By the way your partner treats you physically, by the way they treat you emotionally, and by how you feel about the relationship. This checklist of twenty signs of abuse is one tool that you can use to see if you, or someone you know, is a victim of abuse. And remember, more resources for dealing with abuse can be found by calling The National Domestic Violence Hotline on 1800 799 7233.

1. They have grabbed you and refused to let go.

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This falls into the category of physical abuse. No-one should grab you to make you feel threatened and unsafe. No-one.

2. They have pulled your hair.

Instagram: @theerinblythedavis

This is another form of physical abuse. Sure, a bit of hair pulling in the act of passion is fine. But when it happens as part of an argument, or when your partner is deliberately trying to hurt you or make you feel threatened, that is abuse.

3. They have thrown things at you and/or destroyed your belongings.

Instagram: @beatfreak1996

One way your significant other may try to control you is through your belongings. Throwing things at you and destroying your belongings is designed to hurt you physically and emotionally. Threatening to do so also falls under this category of behavior, too.

4. They have left you with bruises, black eyes, bleeding, and/or broken bones.

Instagram: @veeegooose

While abuse doesn’t necessarily have to leave marks on your body, a sure sign of physical abuse in your relationship is when your partner does leave marks. Research shows that once it happens the first time, a “threshold” of sorts has been crossed, and an abuser is more likely to hurt their partner again.

5. They have threatened to hurt or kill you.

Instagram: @raquelitt

It may not seem like abuse, since there are no physical marks left from a threat to hurt or kill you. However, these threats are still part of the arsenal of tools that abusers use. How? Because these threats are designed to control your behavior, and make you feel powerless. Abuse in a relationship is about the abuser gaining and maintaining power, and death threats are a way of emotionally controlling you.

6. They have threatened to take your children away or harm them.

Instagram: @stephaniemaurasanchez

Even if you have children together, children shouldn’t be used as a bargaining chip in your relationship. Even more importantly, your children’s safety is non-negotiable: no partner of yours should threaten it. By the way, this doesn’t just apply to children. Pets can also be used to manipulate and control you in a relationship.

7. They have forced you to have sex.

Instagram: @jennylikesjewellery

Sex is not a “duty” to be fulfilled in a loving, equal relationship. Nor should your partner guilt trip or manipulate you into participating in sex acts after you have refused sex. Consent needs to be freely given! It doesn’t matter how long the two of you have been together. Otherwise, it’s classed as sexual assault.

8. They try to control you and treat you like a child.

Instagram: @silvia_almanza

Abusive relationships are about control and power. Part of treating you like a child is making you feel like you don’t have any control in the relationship, or even your life, so that you continue to stay and endure the abuse.

9. They make you feel like you need permission to make decisions or go somewhere.

Instagram: @kreeturefeature

This applies when you feel like you have to text at every moment to update your partner about where you are. And when you can’t spend time with friends or family without getting permission from your partner. This is because abusers commonly try to isolate their partner from other, platonic relationships with other people.

10. They try to take complete control of the finances and how you spend money.

Instagram: @loudmouthbruja

Controlling how money is earned and spent is known as financial abuse. People suffering from this type of abuse are commonly denied access to money by partners for doing simple tasks like grocery shopping. Or, sometimes the abuser decides whether and when their partner is allowed to work.

11. They cannot admit to being wrong.

Instagram: @abs_ter

Part of being in a respectful and loving relationship is being able to say sorry and to admit fault. An abusive partner refuses to apologise, because doing so would threaten their position of power in their relationship.

12. They accuse you of things that you know are not true.

Instagram: @estephaniaabarca

This is about control, and manipulating you. After all, if you’re spending your time trying to prove your innocence, then you’re not going to spend your time planning to leave the relationship, are you?

13. They do not take responsibility for their behavior.

Instagram: @lu.pazmi

The reality is, it’s not too much to ask someone to take responsibility for their behavior – even more so when it’s someone you’re in a relationship with. However, your partner doesn’t take responsibility for their behavior because doing so would threaten their position of power in the relationship.

14. They use “The Silent Treatment” to get their way.

Instagram: @yappaririri

Chances are you may have experienced “The Silent Treatment” before, in elementary school. And that’s where that behavior should stay. An equal, loving relationship is not built on one person using silence to manipulate the other person into conceding a point.

15. They make subtle threats or negative remarks about you.

Instagram: @noshophotography

Of course, there’s always room for some friendly sledging in a loving, respectful relationship. But, it turns into abuse when your partner does this on a regular basis to frighten, or control you. It’s possible they may even pass it off as a “joke”, or say that you’re “overreacting”. But again, if you’re in a loving relationship, then your partner should respect the fact that you’re hurt by a “joke”. They should not continue to make these types of comments.

16. You feel scared about how your significant other will act.

Instagram: @erikakardol

Repeat after us: you should have no reason to fear your partner in a loving, respectful relationship. You should have no reason to fear your partner in a loving, respectful relationship.

17. You feel that you can help your partner to change their behavior.

Instagram: @amnesia.r

But, only if you have changed something about yourself first.

18. You watch your behavior carefully so that you do not start a conflict in your relationship.

Instagram: @cmirandads

An abuser does not abuse all of the time. They maintain a cycle of abuse in the relationship. Things go from being tense, where you feel like you have to watch your own actions, to an incident which involves verbal, emotional, financial and physical abuse. Then, your partner attempts reconciliation or denies the abuse occurred, and the relationship goes into a calm stage. However, tensions will begin to build before long, starting the cycle once again.

19. You stay with your partner because you are afraid of what they would do if you broke up.

Instagram: @msstefniv

In other words, you feel trapped in your relationship because of your partner’s current, or potential, behavior. This can range from hurting you, your kids, your pets, your friends, and your family. Or, destroying your belongings, compromising access to your finances, or hurting themselves.

20. They don’t pass “The No Test”

Instagram: @kaitlyn_laurido

“The No Test” is pretty simple. Observe what happens the next time you tell your partner “no”. This could be in response to being asked out on a date, or maybe doing them a simple favor. Disappointment is a normal response to being told “no.”  However, pure outrage, violence, and/or emotional manipulation is not a reasonable response, and may indicate an abusive relationship.

If you feel that you are experiencing an abusive relationship, please seek help. Call The National Domestic Violence Hotline on 1800 799 7233 for assistance. Please take care if you feel that your internet or mobile phone device use is being monitored.

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