9 Things Most Peruvians Hear, Eat And See During The World Cup

credit: itsjulissapena / Instagram

Every Peruvian with a beating heart and a love for soccer has been trembling with excitement since Peru qualified for the World Cup in a win against New Zealand. Of course, we already go ham every World Cup, but now that our team has made it through, we’re on the edge of our seats.

Still, even despite the fact that this World Cup is taking place in 2018, many men can’t help themselves when it comes to questioning Latinas and our devotion to the game. Sure, for as long as I can remember, my ma and my tías have been the ones in the kitchen at every World Cup party, furiously prepping food, while my tíos chilled outside with the beer and meat. But don’t get it twisted, machismo and the like be damned, Peruanas go just as crazy when it comes to rooting for a World Cup win.

Yeah, you can catch us in the kitchen making the ceviche but you best believe you’ll soon see us in the living room, screaming louder than anybody else when Cueva screws up a penalty kick.

Here are eight things that many of us extreme Peruana soccer fans experience during the World Cup.

1. Guys prep for stats quizzes, but mijo, you’re wasting your time. 

CREDIT: American Idol / Fox via Giphy

Yes, I have a favorite player. Yes, I know his jersey number. Yes, I I know the last time Peru played in a World Cup. Yes, yes, yes now cállate and let me watch the game boi.

2. I get shit for calling it soccer. I say, you need to move on.

CREDIT: Giphy.com

Oh “real Latinos” call it football? Good to see you’re still struggling to come up with the times, bro.

3. Oh, you think I only watch to see some ass? Cute.

While you have your eyes set on the screen watching for tetas during crowd shots I’m putting in some real work and crossing my fingers that Guerrero wreaks some havoc.

(And FYI yes, I did notice that bum is looking super worked out this year. So what?)

4. Ceviche is all the morning after power fuel my World Cup party needs.

CREDIT: Vivo.com / Giphy.com

The INCAN Superfood, and the rest of y’all fakers that say it’s not originally Peruvian can TAKE SEVERAL SEATS. Lime, cilantro, onions, salt, fish…I mean, could you ask for anything better? Pro-tip: If you down too many brews during the game, drink the Leche de Tigre (aka the delicious, lemony broth) before bed and the next morning for breakfast. Instant hangover remedy. Thank me later.

Oh yeah, a little camote, a little choclo…Sew. Gewd.

5. P.S. I’ll be downing Alcoholic Libations like a real dama.

CREDIT: Credit: Naomi Villagomez Roochnik

Fallen soldiers of the first half.

Step aside, muchachos, and let the ladies show you how a real Peruvian keeps the World Cup party going. The thing is, if we’re going to be dedicating ourselves to something other than the game you better believe it’s gonna be the pescado and carne. So we go for beer. So. Much. Beer. And non of that fancy craft nonsense either. Good beer. Well…OK beer. Let’s be real, it’s Corona. Common misconception: Peruvians drink pisco sours. Huh? I mean, maybe if we’re having a super special gathering and we’re trying to impress that one bougie tía, but pisco sours require work and time and…whipping egg whites?

Gimme las cervezas.

6. And you better believe I’ll be hoovering the carne.

CREDIT: Boin / Giphy.com

You know we’re getting our parrilla on! Yep, the fools on the couch might be chill with subscribing to their assigned male gender norms but what they don’t know as that those of us cooking it up in the kitchen are delighting in first dib taste testings. Oh yeah, we’ll also be kindly whipping up enough meat to send each attendee home with a nice, full to-go plate (because if your guests can’t take leftovers, did you even throw a real party??).

BTW: Ignore judgment from foodies that say the steak is supposed to be rare… Real Peruvians cook their meat crispy and well-done.

7. Corn is everything when it comes to our World Cup meals. Don’t get it twisted.

CREDIT: Credit: Naomi Villagomez Roochnik

Cancha AND choclo! Cancha is this delicious, salty toasted corn, that’s kinda like the middle stage between a kernel and a popcorn. Such crunch, much yum. Serve that with a little queso viajero. Also, choclo. I think wypipo call it “maize” or “hominy” or something? Whatever, it’s like regular corn on steroids and it’s so much more satisfying to eat because you can literally pop giant, starchy kernels into your mouth at a time! Also, serve it with a side of queso viajero.

Choclo and *raw* cancha. Warning: DO NOT EAT CANCHA LIKE THIS. You will crack a tooth.

8. Yes, those are my tíos screaming at the TV screen.

CREDIT: Credit: Naomi Villagomez Roochnik

I have no photographic evidence of the screaming because I’m sorry but I WAS SCREAMING TOO, THERE’S NO TIME FOR PICS DURING THE HIGH STAKES MOMENTS (Thanks a lot, DENMARK). Instead, please enjoy cute Peru-swag pictures:

9. And yep, THOSE are my tías doing it even better.

CREDIT: Naomi Villagomez Roochnik

TFW you wanna watch the game but someone needs to cook the rice… Pour one out for all the tías and ma’s out there who keep us fed

Feliz partido to my Peruanas waking up early to catch the game on Thursday! Vamos Perú!


Read: Colombia’s Female Soccer Team Is Calling Out Adidas For Picking A Model To Represent Their Team Instead Of One Of Their Own

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