The Tamales You Should Eat According To Your Zodiac Sign
Look, we get it. You want to talk about the important things in life. Family, friends, and tamales. So we consulted the stars about the important stuff, and they revealed to us just what kind of tamal you would be if you were given the opportunity. Or, at least, the kind of tamales you should be eating.
We know: you can thank us later.
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
Aries, you know that your type of tamal would have to match the fire in your soul. It’s the very thing that powers your courageous, passionate personality. And your, uh, not-so-shining moments when you’re feeling a little short-tempered and aggressive.
Yours is one spicy de puerco. If it’s not hot, it’s not your tamal, babe. You know that if other people can’t handle the heat, then they’re missing out on something really special.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
Taurus, the first thing you probably thought when you saw this zodiac was: really? You’re too practical to think of people in terms of tamales. That’s why we like you. When people say they like a Taurus, they’re saying that they like your reliability and your sense of stability. And they’re probably ignoring the fact that you can be stubborn as all hell, and a little uncompromising to boot.
Did someone say nacatamales? Because that’s you – it’s all you. People come for the groundedness of a nacatamal, and stay for the unexpected burst of delicious flavor, just like they do with you.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
We don’t mean to show up your significant other, Gemini, but we’ve got you pegged. You’re gentle and affectionate. But, you’re also a little pessimistic and insecure. Your kind of tamal is one that is just as mild-mannered, and doesn’t know just how good it actually is.
Your tamal soulmate is de mole. A hella scrumptious one, that is. Part of what makes you so attractive is your flexibility in tastes and types, just like a good de mole tamal.
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
Cancer, we’re sure you already know why people are attracted to you. You’re in tune with your emotional side, and it shows. You can be tenacious and highly imaginative. Of course, people need to watch out for your more moody and manipulative self, too. Your kind of tamales mixes your best with … what could be better.
You now know why you have an affinity for rajas con queso. Any kind of sharper undertones are softened by a cheesy nature.
Leo (July 23 – August 22)
When people think about a Leo, they’re thinking about your warm-hearted and cheerful nature. Although, it’s pretty hard to ignore your self-centredness and arrogance, sometimes. To be honest, it’s hard to ignore anything about you, Leo! You thrive on being the star of the show – whether that’s when you’re chilling with your numero uno, or discovering your tamal self.
The de pollo wasn’t just made for eating: it was made to be your star sign mascot. That amazing mix of flavors is exactly your personality, in tamal form.
Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
Virgo, your loyalty and willingness to work hard are what draw people to you. Your kindness is what makes people stay around you. Sometimes though, you worry just a bit too much. Your kind of tamal is one that shows just how lovely you are.
Did you really believe that you were going to be paired with anything other than a Colombian bollos? It’s got that same down-to-earth feel to it that really shines through for you, when you’re at your best.
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
If someone had to describe you off the top of their head, they’d say that you’re cooperative, diplomatic, and you try to be as fair-minded as possible. But, they also know that you’re exactly the type of person to carry a grudge, too. You wouldn’t think that you could find these traits in a tamal, but you’d be wrong Libra.
If tamal could be a spirit animal, then de elote would be yours. Just like you, it’s a dish for everyone!
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
If you looked up “Scorpio” in a thesaurus, it would read like this: resourceful, brace, passionate, stubborn, distrusting, jealous, secretive, violent. And sure, it would clearly suck as a thesaurus, but would that make it any less accurate? Your kind of tamal is unexpectedly one hell of a snack, just like you.
You probably knew already why you were dreaming about chowing down on a little Mexican corundas, didn’t you, Scorpio? It’s small in size, but still packs a punch when it’s paired with the right masa.
Sagittarius (November 23 – December 21)
If you won a million dollars, Sagittarius, what would you do with it? You’d probably give away half of it, insult the three distant cousins who’d suddenly show up in your life, and pay for a semi-okay comedian to entertain you at dinner for a month. Because that’s your jam, and your kind of tamal would do exactly the same thing. If it was sentient, of course.
You know who’s all about the dulce tamales? You are. Just think about it: sweet, and filled with raisins, coconut, or whatever tickles your fancy.
Capricorn (December 22 – January 20)
Capricorn, you’re the type of babe to watch Dance Moms and be more interested in how the kids are progressing over the mom-drama. And that’s why we love you. You’re responsible and disciplined … and a bit of a know-it-all. You tamal has that same sense of structure.
Could it be anything other than the Chilean humitas? It looks pretty much the same as you do after a few drinks: wrapped in corn leaves, seasoned with basil and sometimes topped with a slice of tomato.
Aquarius (January 21 – February 18)
If you’re not reading this from either a volunteering trip in the south of Nepal, or from the most hipster bar in town, are you even Aquarius-ing right? It’s okay, we love you for your progressiveness and individuality, even if you can be a little temperamental and uncompromising at times. Your tamales are all about finding that spice in your life.
Repeat after us: paches, paches, paches. Did we mention paches? They’ve got a real irresistible burst of flavor from a mix of hot spices with either meat or vegetables, depending on whether you’re living on the vegetarian side of life.
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
Pisces, in this world that can be too fast and too brutal for some, your emotional vulnerability is what’s so great about you. Some would say that your capacity to trust is a weakness, but let’s face it, shouldn’t we all be a bit more trusting? We trust you’ll like your tamal match, anyway.
With your personality, Pisces, you are definitely one for oaxaqueños. You don’t need any corn husks in your life, when you’ve got banana leaves! And, we’re sure that just like a good oaxaqueños, you’re stuffed with chicken and mole negro most the time, too.
Were you surprised by your tamal match, or were you already munching your way through your zodiac’s tamales? Let us know what you think on our Facebook page by clicking the icon at the top of the page!
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