Every Time I Get A Brazilian Wax I Can’t Help But Feel Like I’m The Little Ciervo In ‘Bambi’

credit: Carina Knig / EyeEm

It is a stereotype that all Latinas are hairy. Despite what others might think, some of us do walk through life with skin as slick as a dolphin’s never having to endure the last minute tasks of having to remove facial hair or laboriously having to tweeze a uni.

However, I am not one of these types of Latinas.

Nope. Not me. As a hairy AF Afro-Latina, I’ve got quite a few years of dynamic grooming practice under my belt. Truth be told, I’ve endured life’s various body hair removal procedures since before I was in middle school. Back in the early days, things were a bit more simple. First, it was a little tweeze between my eyebrows, a little lip rip at a wax salon. But the more hair I sprouted, the more I was encouraged to remove and control. Eyebrow trims and arm shaves evolved into full-on brow groomings and leg hair removal sessions.

Soon enough, I started adding bikini waxes onto my hair grooming routine opening up my life to a new world of hurt. The truth is, while I appreciate things down south a lot more after a wax (and that’s my prerogative), the process of bikini waxing can be the absolute WORST, especially because I’m a particularly hairy Latina.

If I’m being honest, at times the pain can be so bad that it feels both psychological and physical. And it all starts well before I set my bare bum on that crinkly white paper and bare all to a complete stranger. In fact, it all starts weeks before the session, when I call in to make the appointment where…

I’m asked a ton of SUPER personal questions by a complete stranger over the phone.

Like…

“When you say Brazilian do you mean you want your back done too?”

Me: “My back?”

Them: “Yes. Your hole. Your crack? The deepest corner of your bum?”

Me: 😳😳😳 mhm sure okay bye. Click.

And when I finally get to the salon, I’m immediately greeted with a request to strip.

CREDIT: RCA

Which when you think about it is a pretty odd way to start a first encounter with anyone.

No doubt, every time this starts off with a disaster because I always forget to not wear a romper or a body suit.

CREDIT: “Chelsea Handler Show” / Netflix

YEP. Nothing says vulnerable like being naked AF in a cold room and having to put your totico in a stranger’s face.

Soon enough, my waxer can’t help but verbally take note of how hairy I am.

CREDIT: Netflix / Giphy.com

You don’t know the meaning of humbling until you find yourself spread eagle and being asked if you take hair growth vitamins.

And I’m not trying to be a Llorona, but the first time the wax touches my skin it always feels like its the WORST.

CREDIT: “Do The Right Thing” / Universal Pictures

And if it’s really really hot? The burn can be so bad I break into a hot sweat.

Like, can you  imagine what it’d feel like if el diablo licked you with his tongue?

D da da da dat uh like that.

And because I’m so hairy, but know I can’t cry, I end up trying to act like a totally chill little pendeja.

CREDIT: Schitt’s Creek / CBC

“Thanks so much for taking the time to do this!” I say right after a complete stranger rips the life out of my kooch.

And then my esthetician ends up going ham because she thinks I have a high pain tolerance.

CREDIT: Telenovela / NBC

Just when I think we’re almost done (and I’ve passed out from her tweezing)…

She then can’t help but remind me of how hairy she thinks I am by asking if I want more done… like my cheeks.

CREDIT: “The Bachelor” / ABC

“The ones on your face!” she laughs later.

*Which, LBR, is not a whole lot better.*

And Despite living a life where I buy into societal demands and remove my body hair like it’s my job…

CREDIT: Reddit.com / Giphy.com

 

 

Sometimes I feel like my body hair fuels this industry.

That’s where I draw a hard line and get TF on out of there.

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“West Side Story” / United Artists

And you better believe I take my fuzzy face cheeks with me!

And while it was a complete journey and I’ve walked out with more than just my hair missing…

CREDIT: Warner Bros.

I do leave feeling like part of me has literally been reborn. (And TBH with the ammount of money I spend on a session I should be.)

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