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20 Signs Your Best Friend Might Be Struggling With An Emotionally Abusive Partner

When we talk about abusive relationships we often imagine physical violence. Because of its ability to be visibly recognized it’s easy for us to discern that physical violence is not okay under any circumstance. It’s abuse. But what about other kinds of violence and abuse? Not all of its so visual or easy to notice. Emotional abuse constitutes the minimization and humiliation of a partner. They may have never laid a hand on you, but they’re always making you feel like trash.

Your partner might have never laid a hand on you but their words can make you feel like you’re an incompatible partner, inadequate person and in worst case scenarios like you’re complete trash.

1. They make you feel like you don’t understand anything or that you are always wrong.

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It doesn’t have to be in an argument. Signs that your partner might be emotionally abusive can pop up in normal conversations and be subtle. They might not say direct things like “that’s a dumb thing to say” but if they give off the impression that you never say anything intelligent and that you are always  wrong no matter what can be a sign of emotional abuse. 

2. They start to call you things like “crazy.”

jlascas / Instagram

Has your partner made you start to feel like everything is in your head? Perhaps like your feelings aren’t valid, because you’re “overreacting,” “thinking too much,” or “behaving crazy.” Gaslighting is a very real thing and its a sort of emotional abuse that your partner can use to make you start to believe that what you know to be true isn’t real or question your own perception of reality.

3. They want constant control over your life.

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It can start off with little things, like wanting to know when you’ll be home or asking you to wear a certain clothing. They might tell you to stop wearing your red lipstick and hoops because it makes you look “slutty” or demand that you cut off communication with certain friends, exes, and co-workers.  Perhaps they start wanting to control what you spend and where. Having a partner who begins to control your life in ways that truly do not concern them based of off Jealousy, possessiveness is unhealthy and abusive.

4. They don’t respect or listen to you when you say “no.”

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You don’t want to have sex tonight but they complain and gripe and even cry until you give up. They make you finally give in after constant nagging despite the fact that you’ve outlined your comfort zone. Sexual assault is very real and it can happen in relationships. Whether it’s making you feel guilty or as if it’s your responsibility to satisfy them. 

5. They don’t hit you, but somehow you have physical bruises.

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Physical abuse doesn’t just occur at a slap, hit, shove, or punch. You can have a partner that pinches you or holds onto you to tight whether you’re or arguing, wanting to leave an argument or just talking. 

6. They try to make you believe that you’re unlovable.

Only they can love you, want you, be good to you. Somehow your partner tries to convince or tell you that no one in the whole entire world could accept you for who you are but them. They also use this and your love for them as leverage to get what they want. “If you don’t do this or you do do it, I’ll never speak to you again” or “If you do this I’ll never love you again” can be part of this.

7. They never give you support when you deserve it.

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Ever question why it is that any time something good happens to you, whether it’s a promotion a salary raise, your birthday, the birth of a niece, that somehow they always end up picking a fight with you? Even in your highest of times and achievements they end up making you question whether or not you deserve what you’ve gotten and your self-worth. That’s an abuser.

8. They don’t like when you talk to other people.

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They don’t like to hear anyone else’s opinion but they’re own and they want you to feel the same. Their efforts to isolate you from others like family and friends who could help you get out of the abusive relationship is a major red flag.

9. You’re always to blame.

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Somehow you’re always doing something to make your partner upset. They raise their voice, punch a whole in the wall, throw a plate and you are somehow the one that made them do it. They are never to blame for their actions and you are the one “asking for it.

This is a huge problem and a major sign that you are in an abusive relationship.

10. They make you doubt your feelings.

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It’s hard to understand how to question someone’s motives when you should be able to trust them. If you have a hard time describing your situation to friends and constantly call into question whether your friend is truly getting understanding “of both sides of the story” in order to justify your partners behavior you might want to consider what parts of your relationship might make you do this and whether they are signs of abuse. 

11. They don’t want other people interfering.

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They just want things to be “between you and them.” They don’t think your problems are other people’s problems and that your friends should “stay out” of your business. 

12. They express their aggressiveness by hitting and throwing objects.

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Everyone takes it out on a door every once and a while, but if your partner starts throwing, hitting and destroying objects to demonstrate their strength you should definitely consider this a threat that suggests you could be next.

13. They yell.

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Raised voices happen, but consider how excessive yelling gets in your relationships. Are you and your partner raising your voices to be heard or is your partner yelling AT you. Constant yelling and screaming in a relationship can be a sign of escalation that leads to violence.

14. They hit you.

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This is abuse. GET OUT.

15. They promise they won’t do it anymore.

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Your partner is repentant and sorry that they’ve treated you like a punching bag or louded into you with their loud voice, criticisms and name calling. It doesn’t matter how expensive the gifts they send you are or how nicely written their notes are you must come to terms that you are in a relatinoship with an abusive partner and you must get out. 

16. You’ve started to believe it’s all your fault.

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After all the arguments your partner has started to make you believe that you deserve the abuse. This is your abusive partners effort to make you feel like what they are doing is justified.

17. They make you nervous.

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Partners should make you feel secure and love. Not as if they are going to break up with you for decisions you’ve made, something you’ve worn or how you cooked dinner.

18. They make you feel like you are not enough.

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They cheat on you because you don’t like to do certain things in bed or aren’t up for having sex as often as they are. They tell you that it’s your fault, “if only you would ______”. It’s caca girl. Walk away.

19. You are constantly fighting to make them happy.

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Nothing’s wrong with wanting to keep your partner happy. But once you find yourself constantly doing things to make them love you and feel happy you need to know that you’ve got problems. If you find yourself keeping quiet about something they’ve done to bother you to keep the peace, avoid going out with your friends to avoid a fight there’s a problem.

20. Get help.

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Talk to someone you trust, or get support at the National Domestic Violence Hotline via their live chat option or at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), which is available 24/7.


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ANTM’s Eva Marcille Bravely Comes Forward With Her Story Of Having Hide In ‘Multiple Places’ To Evade Her Abusive Ex-Boyfriend

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ANTM’s Eva Marcille Bravely Comes Forward With Her Story Of Having Hide In ‘Multiple Places’ To Evade Her Abusive Ex-Boyfriend

Shade is often thrown around on any given episode of the Real Housewives franchises. Gossip is what makes the reality show interesting. Sometimes, however, when lies spread, the truth that is ultimately revealed can be hurtful and speak more about reality than what was intended.

On last night’s episode of “The Real Housewives of Atlanta,” one of the women, Marlo, tried to come for a castmate to poke fun at her financial woes. The shade turned out to expose longtime abuse.

Eva Marcille revealed on RHOA that the reason she has been moving from house to house isn’t that she’s lacking money but rather scared for her safety.

Twitter/@atlantainformer

“I still feel a sense of threat,” Marcille told her castmates on last night’s episode. “I have had to move five times, and I still feel a sense of uneasiness. He’s just so petty sometimes. I’ve walked outside of my balcony before, and he’s been standing in the dark. And it is the scariest feeling ever.”

Marcille is an American actress and former winner of the third cycle of America’s Next Top Model who is of Puerto Rican descent.

Marcille alleged that she has a restraining order against her ex-boyfriend, Kevin McCall due to stalking and domestic abuse.

The couple, who share a daughter together (though she refers to him as a “donor”), separated in 2015. She has since gone on to marry Atlanta lawyer Micheal T. Sterling; they too share a child.

Marcille dispelled gossip that she and Sterling have frequently moved around because of financial troubles.

Instagram/@omfgrealitytv

“Every time I move, he finds me,” Marcille said on the episode. “Because of that, I live in multiple places. Safety is a priority for me.”

Sterling took to social media to support his wife by saying “Everything we got, we earned the hard way. And every day that I wake up, I work for legacy, not labels. Motivational use only.”

Marcille told the women that a former friend, who she had a falling out with, began spreading lies about her. “The lies are real gross, and the hate is beyond,” she said on Instagram.

Her alleged abuser, who’s had a history of erratic behavior at least on social media, said Marcille is just using the claims against him as a fake storyline.

“It’s sad when she gotta keep using my name for her storyline if I was the husband I would be like “Real hoe of Atlanta is you out your mind, or is you still obsessed with your child’s Father? Why is he in our storyline so much ain’t I enuff headline for our relationship?” McCall said on Twitter.

Marlo also said on last night’s episode that Marcille was using old claims to back up her current financial situation.

Last year on “The Wendy Williams Show,” Marcille said that McCall has never been a part of her daughter’s life.

“He thinks that biology is more important than being present,” Marcille said of McCall. “He’s extremely dysfunctional, and he’s not at a place where it’s safe for himself or for others.”

Fans of Marcille were quick to offer her support on Twitter.

The less reasonable are demanding more details.

Others were quick to highlight their favorite and most empowering quotes from Eva on the episode.


READ: News Of This Woman Killing Her 11-Year-Old Daughter Because She Suspected Her of ‘Having Sex’ Is Proof Of The Perils Of Purity Culture

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Are You A Victim Of Abuse? Use This Checklist To Help You Determine The Truth

Calladitas No More

Are You A Victim Of Abuse? Use This Checklist To Help You Determine The Truth

There are three ways that abuse can be identified. By the way your partner treats you physically, by the way they treat you emotionally, and by how you feel about the relationship. This checklist of twenty signs of abuse is one tool that you can use to see if you, or someone you know, is a victim of abuse. And remember, more resources for dealing with abuse can be found by calling The National Domestic Violence Hotline on 1800 799 7233.

1. They have grabbed you and refused to let go.

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This falls into the category of physical abuse. No-one should grab you to make you feel threatened and unsafe. No-one.

2. They have pulled your hair.

Instagram: @theerinblythedavis

This is another form of physical abuse. Sure, a bit of hair pulling in the act of passion is fine. But when it happens as part of an argument, or when your partner is deliberately trying to hurt you or make you feel threatened, that is abuse.

3. They have thrown things at you and/or destroyed your belongings.

Instagram: @beatfreak1996

One way your significant other may try to control you is through your belongings. Throwing things at you and destroying your belongings is designed to hurt you physically and emotionally. Threatening to do so also falls under this category of behavior, too.

4. They have left you with bruises, black eyes, bleeding, and/or broken bones.

Instagram: @veeegooose

While abuse doesn’t necessarily have to leave marks on your body, a sure sign of physical abuse in your relationship is when your partner does leave marks. Research shows that once it happens the first time, a “threshold” of sorts has been crossed, and an abuser is more likely to hurt their partner again.

5. They have threatened to hurt or kill you.

Instagram: @raquelitt

It may not seem like abuse, since there are no physical marks left from a threat to hurt or kill you. However, these threats are still part of the arsenal of tools that abusers use. How? Because these threats are designed to control your behavior, and make you feel powerless. Abuse in a relationship is about the abuser gaining and maintaining power, and death threats are a way of emotionally controlling you.

6. They have threatened to take your children away or harm them.

Instagram: @stephaniemaurasanchez

Even if you have children together, children shouldn’t be used as a bargaining chip in your relationship. Even more importantly, your children’s safety is non-negotiable: no partner of yours should threaten it. By the way, this doesn’t just apply to children. Pets can also be used to manipulate and control you in a relationship.

7. They have forced you to have sex.

Instagram: @jennylikesjewellery

Sex is not a “duty” to be fulfilled in a loving, equal relationship. Nor should your partner guilt trip or manipulate you into participating in sex acts after you have refused sex. Consent needs to be freely given! It doesn’t matter how long the two of you have been together. Otherwise, it’s classed as sexual assault.

8. They try to control you and treat you like a child.

Instagram: @silvia_almanza

Abusive relationships are about control and power. Part of treating you like a child is making you feel like you don’t have any control in the relationship, or even your life, so that you continue to stay and endure the abuse.

9. They make you feel like you need permission to make decisions or go somewhere.

Instagram: @kreeturefeature

This applies when you feel like you have to text at every moment to update your partner about where you are. And when you can’t spend time with friends or family without getting permission from your partner. This is because abusers commonly try to isolate their partner from other, platonic relationships with other people.

10. They try to take complete control of the finances and how you spend money.

Instagram: @loudmouthbruja

Controlling how money is earned and spent is known as financial abuse. People suffering from this type of abuse are commonly denied access to money by partners for doing simple tasks like grocery shopping. Or, sometimes the abuser decides whether and when their partner is allowed to work.

11. They cannot admit to being wrong.

Instagram: @abs_ter

Part of being in a respectful and loving relationship is being able to say sorry and to admit fault. An abusive partner refuses to apologise, because doing so would threaten their position of power in their relationship.

12. They accuse you of things that you know are not true.

Instagram: @estephaniaabarca

This is about control, and manipulating you. After all, if you’re spending your time trying to prove your innocence, then you’re not going to spend your time planning to leave the relationship, are you?

13. They do not take responsibility for their behavior.

Instagram: @lu.pazmi

The reality is, it’s not too much to ask someone to take responsibility for their behavior – even more so when it’s someone you’re in a relationship with. However, your partner doesn’t take responsibility for their behavior because doing so would threaten their position of power in the relationship.

14. They use “The Silent Treatment” to get their way.

Instagram: @yappaririri

Chances are you may have experienced “The Silent Treatment” before, in elementary school. And that’s where that behavior should stay. An equal, loving relationship is not built on one person using silence to manipulate the other person into conceding a point.

15. They make subtle threats or negative remarks about you.

Instagram: @noshophotography

Of course, there’s always room for some friendly sledging in a loving, respectful relationship. But, it turns into abuse when your partner does this on a regular basis to frighten, or control you. It’s possible they may even pass it off as a “joke”, or say that you’re “overreacting”. But again, if you’re in a loving relationship, then your partner should respect the fact that you’re hurt by a “joke”. They should not continue to make these types of comments.

16. You feel scared about how your significant other will act.

Instagram: @erikakardol

Repeat after us: you should have no reason to fear your partner in a loving, respectful relationship. You should have no reason to fear your partner in a loving, respectful relationship.

17. You feel that you can help your partner to change their behavior.

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But, only if you have changed something about yourself first.

18. You watch your behavior carefully so that you do not start a conflict in your relationship.

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An abuser does not abuse all of the time. They maintain a cycle of abuse in the relationship. Things go from being tense, where you feel like you have to watch your own actions, to an incident which involves verbal, emotional, financial and physical abuse. Then, your partner attempts reconciliation or denies the abuse occurred, and the relationship goes into a calm stage. However, tensions will begin to build before long, starting the cycle once again.

19. You stay with your partner because you are afraid of what they would do if you broke up.

Instagram: @msstefniv

In other words, you feel trapped in your relationship because of your partner’s current, or potential, behavior. This can range from hurting you, your kids, your pets, your friends, and your family. Or, destroying your belongings, compromising access to your finances, or hurting themselves.

20. They don’t pass “The No Test”

Instagram: @kaitlyn_laurido

“The No Test” is pretty simple. Observe what happens the next time you tell your partner “no”. This could be in response to being asked out on a date, or maybe doing them a simple favor. Disappointment is a normal response to being told “no.”  However, pure outrage, violence, and/or emotional manipulation is not a reasonable response, and may indicate an abusive relationship.

If you feel that you are experiencing an abusive relationship, please seek help. Call The National Domestic Violence Hotline on 1800 799 7233 for assistance. Please take care if you feel that your internet or mobile phone device use is being monitored.

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